Carrot Flowers
by Noah Sylvanos
Summary: Ben slowly becomes unstable as his lonely thoughts plague him. To save himself, he tries to befriend Kevin, but things only get more complicated. Maybe it's time for Ben to let someone else be his hero. Ben/Kevin
1. Budding Friendship

A/N: Well, this is my first fanfic. Ever. I hope I did everything right, and mostly I really hope that at least one person enjoys it. It's a Kevin/Ben story and it's rated M for future chapters, though the first chapter is closer to being rated T. Anyway, please read and comment if you'd like. By the way, the name of the story comes from a song called "The King of Carrot Flowers, Pt. 1" by Neutral Milk Hotel. I got the idea to write this story while listening to it on a CD a friend mixed for me, so props to Rissa for unknowingly contributing to the birth of this fanfic. Enjoy!

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Ben quite frequently felt alone. For a while, he concentrated on things he deemed more important than his own thoughts and feelings, like saving the world or keeping the peace between Kevin and Gwen on a daily basis, but the feeling persisted even while he was fighting the DNAliens. If nothing else, taking care of extra-terrestrial trouble in Bellwood served as a distraction from his own mind. In addition, it gave him a reason to cling to Gwen and Kevin.

But the truth was that Ben Tennyson felt alone. When Kevin would drop him off after a long night of fighting aliens, he'd lie awake in bed and wonder what it was like to be normal. Even when he was younger, he found it hard to make friends with other kids. Normal kids. Kids that didn't turn into aliens. Kids that weren't forced to endure incredibly relaxed hippies as parents. Kids without a grandpa that knew thirty different ways to prepare various desert bugs as a meal.

Maybe that's how he got so attached to Gwen and Kevin. Sure, Gwen had been annoying when he was younger, but they'd both grown up since then. They were practically brother and sister now. Ben would even admit that he looked up to Gwen for her ability to stay cool and collected under pressure and channel whatever anger she had pent up into something creative and healthy. He often cursed his impulsiveness and temper as just more abnormalities separating him from every other normal teen. Gwen, he noticed, seemed to fit in just fine with other kids. For that reason, he also envied her.

And then there was Kevin. Honestly, Ben didn't like to think about Kevin because it always left him feeling so confused. He never knew if Kevin was only being friendly (well, as friendly as Kevin gets) because it would make it easier for the team to work together or he was trying to impress Gwen, or if Kevin actually saw him as a friend. In Ben's mind, Gwen would always be there in one way or another because she was family. There was no surety in his mind, however, that Kevin would even stay in Bellwood after the alien stuff died down and there was no point in staying together.

With a small sigh, Ben rolled over on his bed to stare at the rain outside of his window. The feeling of loneliness gripped at him so tightly that he had difficulty breathing. With a thin, pale hand clutched to his chest, the emerald-eyed teen scrunched his face up in discomfort as he reached for the ceiling fan switch.

'Why can't I just be normal?' he thought to himself, watching how the headlights of the occasional car would reflect off of the puddles in the road. 'If I was normal, I could make a lot of friends and I wouldn't feel like this, right?' As he hugged his knees, the small brunette began to rock back and forth, thinking about normality and friendship and such until it finally hit him. He jumped up and grabbed for his cell phone, immediately dialing Kevin's number.

Kevin quickly answered with an anxious tone. "Tennyson, what's going on? Some aliens out looking for trouble or somethin'?" Ben bit his lower lip and took a deep breath.

"No, nothing like that. I just felt like calling you." It didn't calm Ben's nerves to hear complete silence on the other end. "K-Kevin?"

"I'm still here. Uhh…Ben, are you sure there aren't any aliens about?" Ben almost winced, but he controlled himself and swallowed hard.

"Listen, Kevin, you, me, and Gwen have been fighting aliens together for a while now, but I still don't feel like I know you very well," he said confidently. "…or that you even care to know me," he added quietly, almost too quietly for Kevin to hear. In fact, now that he realized what he said, Ben wished that he wouldn't have said it at all. He heard a strange sound on the other end of the phone, followed by a sigh.

"Uhh…sorry, Tennyson. Look, do you want to come over or something?" At first, Ben was taken by surprise. Kevin sounded sincerely apologetic, which wasn't a tone the younger teen had ever heard before. At least, not directed toward him.

Ben quickly answered, "Yes! Uhh….ah, I-I mean, yeah, I'll be over..umm…" Ben thought for a minute to himself and began to bite his lower lip again. "Um, Kevin? Where…exactly do you live again?"

After the two had gotten off the phone, Kevin quickly headed over to Ben's house while the brunette reasoned with himself nervously.

"Kevin didn't exactly sound that enthusiastic when he offered to pick me up, but it's just because we'd never really hung out before, right?" Ben turned to his bathroom mirror and nodded, checking his hair for any abnormalities in his commonly casual style. "If I don't screw everything up, we might actually be friends by the end of the night."

His once hopeful smile suddenly wavered as his reflection bore deeply into his own eyes. "I-It's me, isn't it?" he asked the mirror aloud. "It's my own fault I'm so weird, that I'm alone!" His lithe figure shook as he yelled at himself. The troubled teen sighed as his head became filled with more conflicting thoughts. "I-It's my fault that I don't have any friends…" he added quietly, vision blurring as his reflection seemed to laugh down at him.

"Ben?" The boy in question froze. "Are you almost ready? I don't have all night to wait for you to get your hair fixed just right." Ben, with a gulp, shook his head as if to clear it and focused on something positive: hanging out with Kevin tonight would be the first step in the process of being his friend. With a sheepish smile, Ben opened the door and walked out into the hall, face-to-chest with his tall, dark-haired, muscled teammate. While Ben stared up at him with a smile, it was quite clear to Kevin that the smaller teen had been crying; Kevin could see it in those deep emerald pools, still wet with Ben's tears.

"You ready to go?" Kevin asked in a more calm voice than his previous jabs at Ben. The oblivious brunette nodded happily, the tear stains still clearly visible on his soft, pale cheeks.

The boys hopped into Kevin's car and sped on down the road. It was just another quiet night in Bellwood and nothing was out of the ordinary. Honestly, the fact that everything was normal wasn't really normal in Bellwood, but it was a welcome change for the two teenage heroes. It was unknown to these two boys that the oddities of the night were truly just beginning.

The air in the car was uncomfortable for both Ben and Kevin. Ben, unsure of what to say now that he and Kevin were in the car together, rested his chin in his palm as he stared out the window at the scenery rolling by. Kevin, partially worried about Ben from the incident in the bathroom earlier and also feeling somewhat guilty that he'd never really taken the time to check up on Ben or let him know that he was the closest thing to a friend he had, kept his eyes on the road and his face a stoic as granite. When the tension in the car was finally unbearable, Ben reached for the radio dial, only to have Kevin's hand brush his own away. Ben looked up at Kevin, surprised to find the driver's eyes were focused on himself.

"Jeez, your hands are freezing! You need a blanket or something?" Our brunette hero merely shook his head in contemplation. The short memory of Kevin's hand on his own was what kept running through the smaller boy's head. He was most surprised by the warmth that his mutant friend held in his hand. Kevin had always seemed like the materials he absorbed: often cold, strong, self-reliant, isolated…empty. If Kevin felt warm and Ben's skin was freezing, did that make Ben the hollow shell? The more Ben thought about it, the more he felt like crying. He mentally thrashed himself at the prospect, but he'd bottled up too many emotions for far too long and he just wanted release.

"So, did you want to talk about something, or what?" Kevin's voice, thick with worry, easily cut through Ben's internal warfare. With a gulp, the boy in the passenger seat mustered up the courage to put on a fake smile and turned his head to look straight at his darker companion.

"I-I just wanted to get to know you more, y'know? I mean, we've been fighting aliens together, all three of us, but it's not like you ever actually come over just to hang out or anything…" Ben's voice trailed off as he started to lose heart. It almost seemed like a pointless endeavor to him, seeing as Kevin was an impenetrable wall and Ben was an emotional time-bomb. The rest of the ride to Kevin's apartment wasn't nearly as bad as Ben expected it to be. The two boys mostly made small talk, about aliens, cars, smoothies, music, the usual stuff. The more Kevin talked, the more different he seemed to be in Ben's eyes. Knowing much more about the taller boy didn't make him lose his mysterious feeling, it just deepened his existence.

By the time they had gotten to Kevin's apartment, both boys felt more comfortable about each other and Ben especially felt relieved that he wasn't alone. They continued to talk as they settled in on the couch, finally agreeing to Kevin's delight (and Ben's chagrin) on watching a zombie horror flick. The dark-haired boy smirked as he picked on his pale friend.

"You sure you're not gonna get too scared, Benny-boy?" Ben's lip twitched as he frowned back at Kevin.

"I-I can handle a movie about zombies! Besides, I've actually fought things that are like…a hundred times scarier than zombies!" he replied as he puffed out his chest proudly. Kevin chuckled to himself as he started the movie. Throughout the beginning, Kevin had to hide his smile as he saw the terrified look on the younger boy's face. Even though he knew Ben was completely horrified from the movie, it wasn't until a particularly gruesome part came out of nowhere, accompanied by a loud crack of thunder shaking Kevin's apartment, that Ben leaped to the other side of the couch and buried his face into the larger-framed boy's chest, his lithe figure shaking vehemently against Kevin's body as he gripped the fabric of his black shirt tightly, leaving his knuckles white.

Kevin, mostly amused, but still a little shocked, wasn't really worried. After all, he knew that Ben couldn't handle movies that scary, so he had already expected something like this would happen. "Relax, Tennyson, it's just—" When Kevin paused the film, his amused expression quickly dropped as he heard the smaller boy whimpering against him. When he moved the slightest bit, he could feel the drops on his shirt, the wet, hot tears soaking through to his bare chest beneath. The slight shift in movement only made Ben grip onto Kevin's shirt tighter. Kevin knew then that Ben wasn't afraid just because of the movie. This was apparently something much more serious.

"Ben…" he called quietly to the trembling youth, his tone serious and face stoic. His face showed that he was clearly worried about the boy who had become something of a little brother to him over time. Kevin had seen Ben stare danger in the face night after night and not once had he seen his brilliant green eyes waver. Even when he believed his grandfather was gone and he was at his lowest, Kevin watched as Ben pulled himself up from everything that had fallen around him to keep on searching. As much as he picked on Ben, the kid had never broken down into tears. For as long as Kevin had known him, actually, he had never seen Ben come even close to being overtaken by emotions.

But now, here he was, silent cries racking his form as he clung to the larger male's shirt, face buried into his chest. Kevin slowly brought his arms around Ben, pulling his lithe figure into his lightly. Whether it was the contact or just the gesture, it caused Ben to break down, relinquishing the tightness in his grip as he went weak. The boy's cries became loud sobs, his shaking body rocking in Kevin's arms as he tried to shush him desperately. He could barely make out an apology among the wails.

"Ben, it's okay…whatever it is, it's alright." Even though it seemed that his words fell upon deaf ears, the minutes melted away into still, silent moments. He had finally quit shaking as a light snore became the only sound in the room, cutting the tension and easing Kevin's chiseled face to a relieved smile. The giant teen repositioned his small-statured companion as he stood up, carrying the brunette in his arms bridal-style to his bedroom. The dark haired boy set Ben on his bed and carefully removed his shoes and socks, along with his jacket and jeans. He slipped the boy, now in his boxers and black tee, beneath the sheets while he stripped himself down to just his own pair of boxers and got into bed beside him.

Kevin turned to face Ben and noticed, even in the darkness, his soft, tearstained face, reflecting tension and pain. The black haired teen sighed and let his gaze fall lower to the boy's chest. The slow, rhythmic beating of his heart, the rise and fall of his chest, it was all hypnotic to Kevin as he locked his drooping eyes on Ben. Before closing his eyes, Kevin remembered Ben turning in his sleep and clinging to his bare chest, whimpering lightly in the stillness of the night. And before drifting off into a deep sleep, Kevin wrapped his arms around the small boy, hoping he'd never have to see him cry again.


	2. Growing Despair

A/N: I got reviews! I honestly didn't expect anyone to even read my writing, let alone like it. To everyone that commented on the story, thank you, thank you, thank you! You have no idea how much I appreciate it! If you like this chapter, feel free to tell me so. Seriously, I'd love to hear it!

-Noah

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Ben sat alone in his cold room on his bed, hugging his knees to his chest as he hid his face from the world. The darkness of his room made him feel more isolated than ever, his thoughts conflicting and crashing together in his head as he tried to find a single second of peace. There were no sounds in his room, nor were there lights coming in from outside of his window. He thought he heard Kevin call his name, and thus perked up his head from his scrunched up position, but nobody was in his room. He could have imagined it, but it sounded so real, like Kevin was in the room with him. Ben simply sighed and pressed his forehead against his arms in their familiar position, noticing how cold his toes were.

"I thought I was wearing socks," he said to nobody in particular. The sound of his own voice seemed to break the world around him, sending an uncomfortable chill through his body. His voice echoed around his empty room.

"The socks are irrelevant. Nobody wants you." The voice was definitely real this time. Ben looked up slowly with apprehension, a whimper catching in his throat when he noticed the dark, looming figure in the corner of his room. It simply looked like a shadow, and yet, the sight of it terrified Ben to his very core.

"W-What?" he stuttered out softly to the shadow in the corner, watching it very carefully as it slowly expanded.

"Nobody wants you. It's a simple fact of your life, so get used to it. All you ever do is impose on everybody else's good time." Ben's mouth dropped and, though his face showed a fierce determination at the words of the shadow, his eyes belied his inner fear and weakness.

"T-That's…" Ben looked down and rested his forehead against his forearms again. "Not true…" Ben felt a tear against his arm at the same time as he distinctly felt a pair of warm arms against his bare back. He huffed in annoyance.

"Great…my shirt's gone, too?" Ben yelped quietly as he awoke, panting. He felt a stir beside him as the strong arms gripped him tighter. As he turned his head, he saw Kevin eyeing him worriedly.

"You okay?" he asked sleepily. Ben felt his face flush as he nodded quickly, squirming out of the larger boy's embrace to sit up in bed.

"I-I'm fine," he stuttered out, trying to ignore his fast beating heart. Kevin sat up beside him, staring at Ben intensely. Ben found himself staring deep into Kevin's dark eyes, almost enraptured in his companion's gaze. In the back of his mind, he heard the words of the shadow repeat: "Nobody wants you." He clutched his chest as his heart beat irregularly, slamming wildly against his chest and constricting his breath. The fragile boy's eyes fell down to the sheets, threatening to tear up. It was at this point that Ben's bare legs moved against the warm bedding, making him hyperaware of the fact that he was clad only in his shirt and boxers. Turning his head to Kevin, he kept his eyes glued downward, noticing only his bare, rippled torso melding into the covers.

"W-What happened…last night, I mean?" he asked in a whisper, shamed and nearly inaudible. Kevin scratched the back of his head and averted his gaze to the bedside.

"You fell asleep," he lied in hopes that Ben would believe him. As much as he tried to rack his brain, the green-eyed boy couldn't seem to recall anything after he got to Kevin's place.

"What happened to my clothes?" he asked emotionlessly. This piqued Kevin's attention, as he immediately snapped his eyes to Ben's face. He noticed the paleness of the boy's cheeks, but was more concerned with the completely stoic expression that overtook his features. This was a part of the young hero that the mutant boy had never seen before. It was a cold stare that terrifyingly matched his emerald eyes, now lackluster where normally they shined with a spark of optimistic determination.

Clearing his throat in hopes of emptying his mind, Kevin shook his head. "I didn't want you to be uncomfortable," he stated matter-of-factly. The answer seemed to appease his companion, though it was clear to Kevin that Ben was purposefully avoiding looking at him. Silently, the lithe boy slipped out of bed and hurriedly pulled his clothes on. Kevin, filled with uneasiness, grabbed a towel and some clothes before heading to the bathroom to give Ben some privacy.

As he heard the door lock and the shower turn on, Ben slipped his socks and shoes on and headed to the living room. As his eyes fell upon the couch, he clutched his hand to his forehead and scrunched his eyes closed. Memories flooded his mind, memories of him and the dark-haired teen sitting down to watch a movie, idle chatting, then his pride, preceding his fear.

It was suddenly clear to the young hero. As the thunder cracked outside, Ben reached for Kevin and buried his face. It was then that he cracked, the emotional strain of his loneliness combining with nerves and anxiety to break his façade. The tears fell and the world slipped into darkness, the shadows screaming at him to give up, calling him a coward and a nobody. Nothing penetrated the delusion, not movement, not the reassuring drabbles of his larger companion, not his own mind. His body shook in response to the cold house, yet it felt more like frozen knives stabbing against his flesh. Yet still the darkness shrouded his mind and clouded his vision, like poisonous haze that choked him into submission.

As the memories stilled, Ben found himself quivering, He turned to look at a mirror on the wall and proceeded to weep. His reflection was ghastly! His skin was paled and taught, almost a sickly translucent color, and his eyes were dry and bloodshot. The bags beneath them were heavy and dark, appearing almost as eyeliner. It was obvious that the boy hadn't been sleeping. Ben closed his eyes and staggered backward, trying to forget his appearance in the mirror, when he bumped into the side of the wooden coffee table, tumbling backwards with a loud, sickening crack.

Ben opened his eyes to the nervous faces of Kevin and Gwen hovering over him. He tried to move, but his body was numb beside the dull throbbing at the back of his head. His teammates stared back at him with widened eyes, letting out their breaths in relieved exasperation.

"Ben, are you alright?" Gwen asked, her voice tender and motherly. The young hero tried to nod, but only winced along with a sharp intake of breath. This time, his teammates' eyes bulged as they both reached out their hands to Ben. Kevin left while Gwen ran her fingers gingerly over the back of Ben's head, but shortly returned with an icepack. Biting his lip, Ben closed his eyes to stop the tears of pain from flooding out. Gwen grabbed the icepack with her lightly blood-coated hand and set it on Ben's wound. Though it stung immensely at first, eliciting a small whimper from the brunette's dry lips, the throbbing, stabbing pain soon gave way to a general feeling of numbness.

Without a word, Ben closed his eyes, letting himself drift off into a deep sleep as Kevin and Gwen talked in hushed tones. "Have you noticed anything different about him lately?" the tall brutish boy queried. Gwen merely shook her head.

"He's been the same old Ben as far as I've seen," she said with a sigh.

"When was the last time you saw him?" Kevin prodded. This time, Gwen paused for a moment, her eyes focused upward as a thoughtful look overtook her expression.

"A month ago, I think. Why?" Kevin looked down and shook his head.

"Did you talk to him at all?"

"No. I've been busy with school, and besides, Ben's a big boy now. He can take care of himself without me checking on him." Kevin stared at the oblivious redhead stoically. He realized that it wasn't that Gwen didn't care, it was just that she didn't realize what was going on. Usually she would be the first to pick up on something being wrong with Ben or anyone else, but it seemed that she didn't follow Kevin's thoughts about Ben this time.

The muscled teen felt a pang of guilt strike him as counted back to the last time he had talked to Ben, which had been about the same time Gwen had seen him. With alien activity dying down, the three of them had gone back to some semblance of a normal life. Gwen had been hanging out with her girlfriends from school when she wasn't studying, and Kevin was busy working on his car and doing some investigating of his own. The more he thought about the way Ben sounded on the phone the night before, the stronger his guilt grew. His eyes dropped to the boy's lithe figure passed out on the floor. They should have realized sooner, he knew. They should have known that Ben was lonely. Even without him saying so, Kevin believed that, somehow, they should have both known.

Gwen huffed lightly as she rose to her feet and turned to Kevin. "He'll be fine, it's just a little cut. I need to go, though. I promised some the girls I'd meet them in town for some shopping earlier. You can handle this, right?" Upon receiving a small nod from Kevin, Gwen smiled and headed to the door. Kevin felt angry, not at Gwen, but at himself. How did Ben get so bad so quickly? People don't just randomly freak out and cry themselves to sleep. Ben must have been holding everything in for a long time if he was this disturbed. Thinking along those lines just made Kevin angrier for not seeing it earlier.

When he heard the loud bang, he quickly got out of the shower and slipped his boxers and jeans on, his already wet torso beading with an anxious sweat. It shocked him to see Ben lying on the floor, blood gushing from his head. He followed his first instinct and called the boy's cousin in a panic.

Now, the brooding teen grabbed a towel from the kitchen and held it to the young hero's wound as he scooped him up and set him on the couch with the greatest of care. He propped Ben's head up on a pillow and retrieved a blanket from his bedroom to cover the boy. Remembering how shy boy had reacted to waking up only half-dressed that morning, Kevin settled for only removing his shoes and socks, setting them beside the base of the couch. Though Ben's face seemed troubled in his sleep, he wasn't crying or shaking.

Hesitantly, Kevin went to the kitchen and preheated the oven to cook a frozen pizza as he finished getting dressed. As the pizza neared being done, the smell woke the hungry Ben up on the couch. Kevin, sitting in the chair across from him, stood up and was by his side in one swift stride.

"Are you okay?" he asked quickly, almost forcefully. Startled, Ben nodded with a nervous smile and held the towel to the back of his head as he leaned up.

"Yeah, I'm okay." The shapeshifter's stomach rumbled audibly, causing his cheeks to heat up. "A little hungry, I guess. Are you okay?" he asked back, concerned for the way Kevin was eyeing him.

"Of course I am! I'm not the one who busted his head open on the coffee table." Ben, still looking weak and sickly, tried to laugh it off.

"I guess I'm just clumsy." Even though the older teen could clearly see through the younger's façade, he didn't prod anymore. He just walked to the kitchen, pulling the pizza out of the oven as Ben slowly followed him. The sound of his bare feet padding against the wood floor echoed against the tension in the air. Ben sat down, quickly getting lost in thought as Kevin placed a slice of pizza on a plate and set it before his companion.

Suddenly, Ben had lost his appetite. In fact, the only thing that the boy wanted was to be home alone. Kevin noticed Ben ignoring the food and tilted his head. "I thought you were hungry."

"Kevin…c-can you just take me home?" he asked, his voice expressionless and his face as stoic as it was earlier in the bedroom. With his eyebrows raised, Kevin stared into Ben's eyes, now dull and lifeless.

"You should eat something, and I'm not taking you home until I'm sure you're okay. You know, with the head injury and everything." With a cold stare, the younger of the two met Kevin's burning black orbs.

"I wouldn't want to impose…" His voice trailed off as he remembered what the shadows had said. He was just an imposition on Kevin and Gwen's lives. Suddenly, he felt sick inside and dizzy, his face draining of what little color it had. Kevin placed his hands on the boy's shoulders firmly and forced Ben to look at his face. The air in the room had changed from tense to emotive as warmth radiated from Kevin's body into Ben's.

"You could never impose on me, Benjamin Tennyson. You're staying here until you heal up, and that's final." Ben's cheeks were now tinted pink as his eyes regained emotion. Fear and pain swirled in the boy's toxic green eyes, bringing a bright glow to his face.

"K-Kevin…I-I can't…" he began, but the older teen shook his head determinedly.

"It's what friends do for each other, right?" The word shook in his head, stopping his breath and making his blood flow drop momentarily. 'Friends,' he thought. As his body started functioning again, his eyes began to glisten and shine with an unnatural beauty. A single tear slid down the boy's soft cheek as he grinned widely at Kevin. The boys sat in silence as they ate their pizza, smiling at each other whenever their eyes met.


	3. Excessive Force

A/N: I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to take so long to write this chapter, but I had family over for Thanksgiving and before I knew it, my next quarter of school had started, so I've been really busy. However, thank you all so much for your kind words and your support! If you like the story, or even if you don't, all I ask is that you try to remember to write a review.

It wouldn't be right for me to let you guys read this without warning you that I was somewhat drunk out of my mind while writing a good portion of this chapter (personal stuff, I guess), so if I absolutely butchered something, please let me know.

I also feel I should mention that this chapter is harsher than the last chapter and contains bad language and violence. Like, an entire metric assload of violence. And finally, I don't own Ben 10: Alien Force, but I do own a laptop and the belief that Bevin sounds a hell of a lot better than Benulie (even if it does make me laugh).

-Noah

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Ben's emotions were conflicting. While he was filled with a warmth and excitement when Kevin had referred to him as a friend, it seemed that this elevation in whatever relationship they had came with a new set of emotions: fear, doubt, fragility, they all plagued him still. Now that he had a friend, Ben feared losing him or being betrayed.

There was also a certain level of doubt that had surfaced within him, leading him to wonder if the older teen was his friend solely out of pity, or even as part of some dark, hidden agenda that would only leave the young teen alone and confused, possibly in worse condition that before.

The third feeling that dominated his mind was fragility. In Ben's mind, his friendship with Kevin was beginning on shaky grounds. While his mind was filled with thoughts of things that he and his new friend would do, he didn't want to be a burden and make Kevin angry at him. This made young Benjamin Tennyson sigh aloud as he realized that, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't dominate Kevin's time.

Which meant he would eventually be alone again. And the voices would probably come back. Ben's ears suddenly twitched as he heard a small cough, and he looked up to see Kevin staring at him thoughtfully. The younger of the two seemed to be thinking so much that he had forgotten his friend was in the room. Smiling sheepishly, Ben reached to scratch the back of his still-tender head and winced to himself, though only momentarily.

"Oh…s-sorry, did you say s-something?" Kevin smirked at the boy, causing him to blush and look down, almost shamefully. Though he would never admit it, the brute found the young shapeshifter's mannerisms cute. Like, puppy cute. Even if he found they way Ben was acting…amusing…it didn't change the fact that Kevin was still deeply worried about the way Ben had been acting. Furthermore, he was pissed that the brunette wouldn't talk to him about anything.

"I was going to tell you to open up more. You keep zoning out on me." It had been a few weeks since the incident. Ben's head had healed since then, but the turmoil continued within it. He'd spent most of his time at Kevin's place and things had been going mostly well, but Ben kept wondering to himself when he'd screw up. The young hero wondered this so much that he'd started zoning out and becoming more introverted as the weeks passed. Kevin finally had enough.

"Just tell me what's on your mind already," Kevin prodded. Ben stared back up at him, a blank expression overtaking his face. "And don't say that it's nothing. You've been like this for weeks, dude!" A small stroke of anger flitted through the larger teen as he stared back at his friend.

Ben, with fearful eyes, looked down to avoid the annoyed look on Kevin's face. "I-I'm just…thinking." Even as he said it, the words dropping from his mouth automatically, the young hero knew that the answer wouldn't suffice for getting Kevin off of his back. He could hear the older teen grunt, then sigh. Ben looked up at him and noticed that his eyes seemed softer than they usually were.

"We're friends, Ben. You can tell me anything, I'll listen, I swear! Just don't keep it all bottled up. Let me in, dude." With his cold, emotionless stare, the young brunette began to bite his lower lip.

"I-I…" he started. Before anything else could make it out of his mouth, Kevin's phone rang. After a short conversation, the black-haired boy turned to Ben looking deadly serious.

"What is it?" he asked. "Kevin, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Kevin responded coolly, checking something in his phone. The young hero stood up and bounced from foot to foot anxiously.

"D-Don't tell me that was nothing. Was it Gwen? Is something up? Alien trouble downtown?" By now, Ben was panting with anticipation, the nerves bundled up within him seemingly pouring out of his skin. Kevin finally stood up and turned to face Ben with a smirk.

"See? Nobody likes to be left in the dark." For a moment, the brunette teenager almost yelled at his older friend angrily, but deep down inside, Ben knew he was right. Feeling defeated, Ben averted his gaze to the ground and shuffled his feet uncomfortably. Kevin saw this, then added softly, "Especially by their friends." Ben looked up into Kevin's dark eyes and couldn't help but stare up in awe. He'd never seen such an expression on the brute's normally unreadable face. It was desperation, it was anxiety, it was…pain. For a moment, the young hero felt a twitch in his hand as he longed to touch his companion's cheek, to comfort, but also to feel.

The world came crashing to a halt. 'What am I _thinking_!?' Ben stared down at the floor again, almost unsure of what had just gone through his mind. Quietly, he reasoned it out. Kevin was his friend, and keeping everything bottled up made his friend sad and maybe even hurt. It was only natural to want to comfort a hurt friend, right? Right!?

With a sigh, Kevin sat back down and stared at the table, his mood obviously tainted by the young hero's silence. "Gwen called. She wanted to remind you it was a school night and it's getting late." Suddenly snapping back to reality, Ben looked down at his watch and huffed in awe. When did it get so late?

"I-I gotta go, Kevin. If I'm late again, my parents won't let me out of the house for a week!" Kevin stood as Ben slipped on his jacket.

"I'll drive you," he offered, his face stoic and his disposition cool as usual.

"I'll just fly. It's faster." Already at the door, the brunette turned and looked up to the rock of a friend that overshadowed him.

"Kevin," he said quietly, averting his gaze to the floor, "I promise I'll let you in. Just…give me time. Please?" The brute smiled down at his friend and rested a hand lightly on his lithe shoulder.

"That's all I ask," he replied before Ben changed into Jetray and flew swiftly home.

* * *

Ben lay in bed, staring up at the dark ceiling above him. He wasn't particularly looking forward to going to school the next day, but he was pretty sure Kevin would be there to pick him up. With a deep sigh, the young hero closed his eyes and let himself think deeply.

Gwen hadn't been around nearly as much as she used to be. She'd gotten so involved with school, all of her extracurricular activities, and hanging out with friends that she didn't really have the time to hang out with her closest cousin. It wasn't the best of comparisons. Gwen had a life. Ben had lonely days at school, sleepless nights at home, a slew of aliens that decided to screw up his life occasionally, and Kevin.

When it really came down to it, Kevin was the shining beacon of hope in Ben's life. When he was hanging out with the older teen, he didn't have to think about school or his problems. He wasn't lonely when they were around each other, and it was pretty much the only thing he had to look forward to anymore. Beyond hanging out with Kevin, there wasn't anything else that appealed to Ben. There certainly wasn't anything that made him feel as comfortable as being around his only friend.

'And without Kevin?' The young brunette closed his eyes as the voice resonated throughout his head. 'You used to have friends. You used to have a life, but you were always a freak, and it could only be hidden for so long.' The teen cringed and began to pant.

"T-That's…" He tried to fight it, to hold on to something to use as ammo against the logic that filled his mind, but his thoughts were drowned out.

'It's not a lie, it's the truth. Just look at your life now. You only have one friend, but eventually you'll be too much of a freak even for him to handle. You'll be all alone.' The echo grew louder within Ben's head, and try as he might, there was no way to fight it and no way to silence it. He clutched at his head helplessly, covering his ears in a futile attempt to find peace within his mind. There Ben lay for hours, rocking back and forth as he shushed himself until sleep finally claimed its hold over him.

The next day, school was an absolute hell for Ben. He overslept and was late for his first class, then he realized at lunch that he had forgotten his wallet. Even worse was the fact that he'd only gotten three hours of sleep and his mind was still plagued with the thoughts he had been desperately trying to avoid as of late.

Tired and hungry, the young hero was drudging through the halls to his next class when someone had yanked him into the boys' bathroom. As his back met with the harsh contact of being slammed against a wall, Ben bit his lip and began to scrunched his eyes closed. When he opened them, he was face-to-face with Cash, his own personal bully. Even though the sadistic creep had victimized most of the students at school, his all-time favorite hobby was personally making Ben's life hell. Ben only cringed as he realized he was alone with Cash. A strange part of himself realized that he should have seen this coming by now.

"Well, well, look who's running the halls by himself like a big boy!" Cash antagonized. Ben grimaced and sighed.

"Look, can we just get this over with? I need to get to class." Hit by a sudden rage, Cash slammed Ben against the wall harder this time, eliciting a squeak from the smaller teen.

"I don't take orders from YOU, do you hear me? Well, DO YOU?" Cash was practically screaming, but everyone was in class by now and Ben was absolutely alone.

Terror struck the young brunette as he realized exactly how alone he was in this situation. "I-I…y-yes! Just…can you p-please let me go?" Cash smirked as he pulled the helpless teen to him, grabbing him roughly by the neck as he shook his head. Ben didn't have much warning before Cash punched him hard in this face, then slammed his head against the wall.

Ben said nothing, for he knew there was no way to get out of this situation. "Where's your precious Levin now?" Cash still held the young hero pressed to the wall, his face contorted into a scowl. His words, quiet with a hint of something deadly, sent shocks through Ben's cold blood and fear throughout the rest of his being.

"W-What do you mean?" the brunette stuttered out, half begging, half demanding. Cash's face looked even more pained. He pushed Ben harder into the wall by his throat, cutting off his breath.

"You're mine, Benny-boy. You're MY toy, not his!" The brunette was red in the face now, gasping for breath as confusion set in upon his lightheaded mind. "You're pathetic, weak; a subject looking for a king, a slave looking for a master, and I am that master! You know you won't ever escape me, little Benjy, so don't try to fight it. Even if you don't want it, you're still mine, I still own you." Ben began to sway, as if Cash's words could drain his energy, what little bit of fight he had left inside.

Ben just stood there, pinned to the wall with an aching back, throbbing sides, and a bleeding lip, terrified, with nothing left to do but surrender to him. "Just l-let me d-down," he choked out in a pathetic plea. His lips curled into a sickening smile as he released his grip on Ben's throat and the young hero began to walk towards class, every part of him shaking with anxiety and terror.

Suddenly, Ben was grabbed by the neck again and pulled backwards. He landed on the ground with a thud and his back felt as if it had been sliced open. It was everything Ben could do not to scream at the top of his lungs, for that would call the attention of the classrooms, and he knew that would mean certain death for him. Cash threw a look of mock pity in Ben's direction, then laughed.

"First, you're going to learn what happens when you defy your 'master'." He punched Ben in the stomach and rendered him unable to breathe for nearly minutes. If he had eaten anything for lunch, he would have been throwing it up at this point. It still didn't stop the dry heaves or the gasping for air. Cash continued to strike him in the chest, the arms, the stomach with his fists, and he kicked the brunette in the sides and the legs until his skin broke in multiple places all over his body. He then grabbed Ben by the throat and lifted him, his body losing oxygen rapidly again as his hand squeezed around his scrawny neck.

As if hearing someone approaching in the hall, Cash flung Ben against the wall one final time and stared him down with a sadistic look in his eyes. "Give Levin a message for me. Tell him he can't protect you everywhere."

A few minutes later, when Ben had regained my breath, he rolled over, painfully, and slowly got to his feet on wobbling legs. Ben's clothes were ripped and bloody, and he didn't even bother with thoughts of class. The young, helpless hero picked myself up and slowly began the walk away from school, fighting the urge to cry as he traversed the empty halls.

By the time Ben had made it outside of the school, he could have sworn he heard someone call his name. Before he collapsed onto the grass, he remembered the specific feeling. He wasn't sure, but he believed that he would most likely die upon that same grass.

* * *

Ben awoke in Kevin's car, the brute looking as worried as he was pissed. He gingerly turned his head to Kevin, careful not to strain his bruised neck too much. "W-Where are we g-going?" he whimpered out, almost silently. The noise was just enough to take Kevin by complete and utter surprise, causing him to swerve between two lanes of traffic.

"BEN!" he screamed. The younger boy just winced as he looked up at the brute, terror shown clearly in his dulled eyes. In a softer voice, Kevin sighed. "We're going to the hospital." Ben was absolutely trembling with terror now.

"No! I-I mean…I-I can't…not…not there." Kevin, suspicious of his younger friend's behavior, pulled into an abandoned parking lot near the outskirts of town and parked the car.

"Why not? You look like you jumped through a woodchipper! Jesus, Ben! I thought you were fucking dead with how bad you looked!"

"I-I…my parents…they can't know…" The dark-haired boy tilted his head incredulously.

"A-Are you serious, Tennyson?" Ben looked down in quiet shame. "Someone beat the shit out of you at school today, and you don't want to go to the hospital because you don't want mommy and daddy finding out?" At this, Ben looked up slowly into Kevin's eyes, his own pleading in fear. Kevin rubbed the bridge of his nose and put the car into drive, peeling out of the parking lot to drive back in the direction of his apartment. They drove in silence through the city until Kevin finally turned to look at Ben, now shivering.

"Who did it?" It was obvious that Ben wasn't going to say a word from the way his whole body tensed up. "Tell me, Ben. This is serious!" Ben bit his quivering lip and quickly muttered out the name. He could physically see the rage burning within Kevin.

"Cash can consider himself dead." Defeated and pained, Ben shrunk back into his seat. He didn't want any trouble. He didn't want people fighting for him. He didn't want people getting hurt because of him. He didn't want people hurting him either, though.

Kevin pulled into the driveway outside of his apartment and assisted his young friend as best as he could without putting him into any more pain. This basically consisted of Ben biting his lip while Kevin picked him up in his strong arms, drawing an embarrassed blush from Ben's cheeks. Maneuvering carefully inside, Kevin gently set Ben in one of his kitchen chairs and proceeded to fetch his first-aid kit from the bathroom. He sat down in front of Ben and sighed again, the flash of anger only apparent in his eyes for a moment as he began to go through the first-aid kit he'd grabbed.

"Can you take off your shirt?" he asked stoically, most likely still thinking of ways to get revenge on Cash. Ben's sore arms, though they had feeling and could still move, didn't have the strength to be of any use to him at the moment. With shamed look to the floor, he lightly shook his head. The mutant boy clenched his teeth hard and drew his face closer to Ben's, forcing the smaller boy to meet his eyes.

"It's not your fault, Ben. Cash is a maniac and it's his fault that this happened, not yours. Got it?" Without waiting for an answer, he slowly pulled off Ben's jacket and slipped his fingers under the hem of the boy's shirt. With slow, deliberate movements, Kevin rolled the shirt up, little by little, exposing the grotesquely black abdomen first, followed by the smaller bruises dotting his chest and the spots where the skin was raw and bleeding. The black-haired teen closed his eyes tight as he very gently lifted his friend's arms to pass the shirt over his head. Sitting there with his chest bare, Ben began to feel very self-conscious, especially now that the scrawny body he had yet to accept in the first place was covered with giant bruises and bleeding gashes.

Kevin worked quickly, focusing hard on the task at hand so as to distract himself from his feelings and dark, deadly desires. The first thoughts that had reached his mind when Ben had uttered Cash's name were those of ribbing him limb from limb in the most literal of senses, or snapping his neck and disposing of the body in a place where nobody could ever hope to find it. In the end, he knew that homicide wouldn't save Ben, so he kept himself focused on things so he wouldn't go off in search of the creep and kill him on the spot. The more he tended to the wounds, disinfecting, bandaging, gauzing, the more of Ben's body he saw covered with dark marks and blood, the harder it was for Kevin to stay calm enough to not go hunting for trouble.

The awkward moment peaked when Kevin started to undo the button of his friend's jeans. With a terrified look, Ben tried to kick the dark-haired teen away, but to no avail. Kevin reasoned with him, reminding the embarrassed teenager that he had to take care of the wounds if they wanted to avoid a trip to the hospital. Again defeated, the brunette slumped in his chair and lifted just enough for Kevin to be able to slip the pants off of him.

When Kevin had finish tending to Ben's wounds, he carried the boy to his bedroom and slipped him beneath the sheets. Exhausted and pissed, Kevin fell into a deep sleep as he stroked Ben's hair to stop him from crying.


	4. Between You and the Knife

A/N: Ask and ye shall receive, fellow fanfic followers! I can't tell you how happy I am to see such a response to my writing and especially this story, considering it's the first (and, so far, only) one I've posted here. The reviews have been great and what bit of constructive criticism I've received has helped me to shape the story according to the needs of my readers.

I've been writing in my spare time between when I should be going to sleep and when I should be going to my morning classes. Alas, there's no rest for the wicked. The past few weeks have really screwed me up. In fact, I even thought about discontinuing work on this story. However, due to the flood of comments and number of hits I've gotten on the story, I was reminded that I don't just write for myself, I write for those who need something to read.

Something occurred to me while writing the last chapter, and I think I'm going to act on it this time around. I realized that what I'm trying to get across is the emotion tied in with what's happening in Ben's life. However, I started this story with a single grave mistake: I wrote it from a third-person point of view. Try as I might, this story isn't effective unless I let you guys know what's going on in Ben's head from his point of view. So, this chapter will be done from the perspective of Ben. If it works well, then you can expect the rest of the chapters to follow suit. Well, without further adieu, here goes!

-Noah

* * *

It was basically like being on parole. Ever since that meeting with Cash in the bathroom at school, Kevin hadn't let me out of his sight for more than three minutes at a time. To make things worse, Kevin had somehow turned his self-proclaimed duty as my personal bodyguard into a form of torture as punishment for being too careless. He was always watching me, always staring with this look in his eyes, like I was about to die right in front of him or something.

It had been a few weeks since I'd last seen Cash…since Kevin had found me lying in the grass. My wounds had healed, thanks to Kevin's constant attention. Because of some story Kevin made up, my parents were okay with me staying at Kevin's place, at least until I had finally healed. As hard as I tried to get it out of him, he wouldn't tell me what excuse he had made up. He just kept telling me not to worry. And he watched. He watched my every move intently, he followed me when I was at school, he even stared at me from the trees outside of my classrooms.

The only time he wasn't watching me was when we were asleep in his bed. I'd gotten used to sleeping beside him, since his place was always freezing at night and his bed was big. And Kevin…well, he was warm. It was while Kevin was sleeping that I watched him. It sounds weird, but since I was spending most of my time pretending that Kevin didn't exist as he constantly watched me, I didn't look at him. I'd stare at his face while he slept until I couldn't stay awake any longer, just so I'd remember what he looked like when I couldn't stand to glance in his direction.

Thanksgiving break was just around the corner and I could feel it in my bones. I knew that something bad was going to happen, that the end of the peace was coming. When I was in class, when I was asleep, whenever my mind wandered, I felt the pulsing in my head. The reverberations of the pained cries, my cries, suffocating my ears, searing my flesh, replaying over and over as the voices inside just laugh. I actually see them in the shadows, in the corners of every room, staring at me, just like him.

They tell me that it can't last. He's watching me now, but soon he'll be forgetting me. Gwen has. Oh, yes, that's what they keep saying. Constantly, the ringing in my ears screeches that she has forgotten me. Even my parents don't care where I am anymore. Kevin's excuse can't be so good that they don't mind me not being home….no, they don't want me there anymore. And Kevin doesn't need me. I only bring him down, forcing him into these situations that he doesn't want to be in, like taking care of me or watching me constantly.

What have I done to deserve Kevin? Nothing. They tell me, they say it in my mind, they scream and they yell, they bellow and they screech that I've done nothing but whine, nothing but get hurt, nothing but be in the way. I've done nothing deserving of a friend, especially one like Kevin, and that's why it won't last, why it can't last.

I took advantage of the nighttime when I would become the watcher, the one staring at Kevin, and I'd cry as silently as I could. I can't let him see, can't let him know that I feel so many things, that I hear so many voices, all telling me to do such horrible things. I tried being normal. All my life, I tried to fit in, I tried to protect what was mine, what was close to me, and I tried to build a life that I could be happy with.

The last day of school before break began, I saw Cash in the hallway, holding some kid up against a locker. As soon as he saw me, he dropped the kid and let him get away. Even though I knew Kevin was watching me intently as best as he could, I also knew very well that he couldn't be everywhere at once. As soon as our eyes locked, my knees twitched and my lips trembled. I looked around, but we were in the one part of the hallway without any windows to the outside. There was no way that Kevin could see me.

I licked my lips and swallowed, my throat horribly dry and aching. I wanted to run, to make my way to a window so Kevin could see me, but my limbs were locked and I was frozen in fear. Cash stepped toward me and the laughter in my head echoed and shook me into a panic. Before he could even lay a finger on me, I felt my eyes flutter and the world around me spin. As everything went black, I felt myself become encircled by two strong arms.

I woke up soon enough, on the floor, leaning against a wall between Cash and Kevin, both looking between each other and me. They were oddly silent until they both realized that I was awake. I opened my mouth to say something, but the dizziness hit me again and I whimpered against the wall. Kevin came closer to me to try to pick me up, but Cash wasn't far behind. He rested a hand on Kevin's shoulder and spun him around to punch him in the face, but Kevin reacted quicker and blocked the punch. The screaming in my head persisted, getting louder, stronger voices, screaming at me, yelling and clawing at my ears, my thoughts screeching, like burning steel searing against my brain.

I held my head and gritted my teeth, trying to keep focused on Kevin and Cash, trying to say something, but all that came out were screams and grunts of pain. Kevin threw Cash back and came to my side, helping me up slowly to my feet as he slung my arm around his neck for support.

I don't know how to explain it, but I swear I saw it happen in my head. I knew what was going to happen, somehow. Maybe it was the voices telling me, or maybe it was the concept of my life flashing before my eyes. Just…including future parts of my life, too. Kevin gave me an awkward huh as soon as I could stand on my own, gripping me tight.

"I'm sorry, Ben. I should have watched you better. I really thought I could protect you this time." His voice was stoic, his face was covered in this weird mix of emotions, all painful or worried. Guilt. That was why he kept me around. To make up for the sins of his past, to make himself believe he's a good guy now. But he is a good guy now. He's actually a really great guy. He's even learning to control his temper.

I knew what was to come. I saw it in my head somehow, and even in the present, Cash was making his decisions, moving to follow through with his plot. I gripped Kevin tight and buried my face in his chest, then moved my head close to his ear. "Don't apologize. I should have been more careful," I confessed quietly.

It was time. Everything was so slow, like a gunshot in a movie. I saw the comfort and confusion in Kevin's dark eyes, filled with regrets and brooding. I saw the rage, the fire burning inside, the hideous smirk of a coward trapped inside of Cash's eyes. And in my own eyes, reflected in the glint of steel in the bully's hand, I saw the end, the last of my pain, the destruction of the voices, and peace.

"Goodbye, Kevin," I whispered into his ear. As his eyes bore into mine, I saw the realization in his own. It was too late, though. I spun around, still in his grip, and pushed him against the wall as the knife plunged into my back. I gasped and scrunched my eyes closed as I felt the wet, sticky blood seeping from my wound. Even though the pain was rattling my brain and I could barely think straight, the guilt of what I had done weighed heavily upon me. If I saw that Cash was going to try to stab Kevin and I purposely put myself between the blade and my friend, then wasn't that basically suicide? He'd call me a hero for taking the blow for him, but I was a coward that just wanted to get rid of the voices in his head.

Everything was a blur after that. Cash, with horrified eyes, turned and ran as fast as he could down the hall while I collapsed against Kevin, seeking comfort in his arms as he stared down at me, horrified. As everything began to fade away, I smiled up at Kevin. "N-Not….the hospital…" I whispered before the world dissipated.

* * *

I could still hear the whispers in my head. 'Stupid boy', 'Just die already', 'Why hang on when nobody else wants you to?'. It wasn't a dream, it felt more real than that. Maybe it was an illusion, something I had tricked myself with during the last moment before I died. Maybe there was no Heaven or Hell, just the remnants of one cognitive thought. I had no body to cry from, and no mind to think with, so what truly was left of me?

I heard other voices. They came and they went, they were familiar and cold, sometimes even more distant when they became closer. I felt things, touches, waves and particles, everything was a part of me, and I was a part of it all. Did my parents know that I had died?

'Would they care?,' the shadows asked. They were relaxed and lenient, but loving. 'Who could love a freak?' Somebody could, right? I wanted to thrash around, to kick, to scream, to cry until my heart emptied, until my mind evaporated, but I wasn't alive anymore. Was I?

"Wake…better…" Who was it? Who's trying to talk to me? Spirits, or psychics? Can anybody hear me? Does anything exist anymore? "Wake up…" The voice was clearer this time, rough and demanding. Can the dead feel terror? Was I haunting the world still?

"Ben…" Ben? Is that my name? I think I forgot it…

* * *

I snapped back. I opened my eyes to the light, to the piercing brightness of the world. There were colors and blurs, sounds, so many sounds, not in my head anymore, but from a person, from machines. I screamed hoarsely, no longer dead, no longer asleep, no longer alone…

No longer free. I groaned, the pain coursing through my body in dull throbs. I was more concerned with the unfamiliar feeling of being trapped as strong arms locked tight around my body. I felt like I was suffocating, choking on deep breaths. The constraining arms pulled me tighter and my body felt limp. I stroked a finger cautiously over my wound and noticed that it was miraculously gone.

Was it all a twisted dream, to imagine death to be the great escape from all of my problems, from all of my worries and pains? I turned around as best as I could and looked deep into Kevin's eyes. They were the same, relieved, horrified, but still dark, still mysterious. Additionally, they were puffy, red, and the dark circles under his eyes made it absolutely clear that he hadn't been sleeping.

"Ben?" he asked, unsure. I nodded and he pulled me closer to him, still tightly squeezing my body. "You're okay." I smiled at the soft words, unsure of whether he was trying to reassure me or himself.

"Y-Yeah…kinda sore, but everything seems to be fine." I continued to run my fingers over the spot on my lower back where the blade struck, feeling the difference between old and new skin, the smoother indicating the hint of a scar. "How'd you fix it?" I asked quietly.

"Alien tech." Kevin released me from his grip and maneuvered out bed, staring at me with the most intense look I'd ever seen come across his face. "Ben, what were you thinking?" His voice was calm, quiet, and questioning, like a concerned parent making the "I'm disappointed in you" speech. I bit my lip and suddenly wished I was unconscious again.

"Kevin," I started. "I knew he was going to do it. I saw him with the knife, a-and…I didn't want it to be you." I chanced a look over at him, which turned out to be a big mistake considering I couldn't tell if he was more pissed or confused. The look in his eyes scared me to no end.

"What do you mean?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"I didn't want you to die, so I put myself between you and the knife."

"And what if you died? What if I was stuck standing there with you dying in my arms, just waiting for you to wither away like some dried up plant? Did you really expect to leave me like that, Tennyson? Was it in your plan for me to feel so helpless while you got to take the easy way out?" I clutched my ears and squeezed my eyes closed, shaking the words away from my head.

"S-Stop it, Kevin!" He growled at me.

"No, Ben, I'm not done yet!" he yelled angrily. "Is it not registering in your little head that you could have fucking died?" His breath had hardened and now he was panting.

"Maybe that was the plan!" I yelled back defiantly, tears rolling down my face. I rolled out of bed and clutched my side as I looked Kevin dead in the eyes. His eyes softened and he now looked completely dumbfounded. "Maybe I wanted to die, to leave everything here and get some peace for once. Maybe it was my time, or maybe I was just really tired of being such a fucking freak that nobody wants anything to do with me. I don't understand you, Kevin. I don't understand how you could muster up the gall to give me a guilt trip when you could give a shit less if I was alive or not. You never care about anything, and nothing ever cares about me. Why should I be alive?" I moved my hand up to my chest, finding it difficult to catch my breath.

I didn't want to know what I looked like to him at that moment. I caught a glimpse of my reflection earlier, and I knew I was paler than usual. I also knew that I had been crying and sweating since we started arguing about this. I looked up at him defeated, realizing I had said so many things that I didn't mean, and so many other things that I had tried to keep secret. Kevin looked furious, his eyes darkening more than I had ever seen. He moved toward me in quick strides and I turned my head quickly, raising an arm in front of my face to protect me from his fists. The blows never came, though. Instead, I found myself burying my face in his chest, crying my eyes out while he rubbed my back.

"Do you really feel that way?" he asked softly. I nodded solemnly and felt him tense up slightly. "You really think that way about yourself? That you're a freak, that nobody cares?" I sobbed harder into his chest, my insides flitting about like coked-out butterflies at a rave. Kevin brushed the back of his hand against my cheek to wipe my tears, and the warmth permeated my skin, spreading throughout my body. I felt the tingling sensation and my mind went blank for a moment. Was I still sick?

"Don't…don't feel that way. You're not a freak, you're a hero." Kevin rested his chin on my head and I felt the exhale of breath through my hair. "I used to feel that way, but Gwen and your grandpa made me realize that I'm not alone, that I'm not a criminal anymore. And you…" Kevin tilted my head up by my chin, but I felt so shameful that I couldn't look him in the eyes. With a strong, yet gentle hand, Kevin forced me to look into his eyes. I saw something there that I had never seen before in his eyes, or anyone else's, either. It was so familiar, but so hard to put a name on. "Ben, you showed me that I mattered to someone. You're proof that I can change, that I can be something more, and I never got a chance to tell you that when you came over that first night."

"K-Kevin…" I muttered out through trembling lips. "I-I'm sorry." He smiled at me wearily, stroking my hair as he pulled me into his chest again.

"You saved my life, so I must matter to you, right?" I didn't think about it like that.

"Y-Yeah, of course you d-do!" I dried my face with my sleeve. "W-We're friends, right? A-And you always look out f-for me, so…"

"As grateful as I am, you matter to me, too, Ben, and you let Cash stab you just so you could protect me. Do you see where I'm going with this?" I shook my head slightly.

"Not really," I confessed. Kevin motioned to the foot of the bed and we both sat down.

"Okay…let me see if I can put this right. You're a hero. You protect people. When you tried to be a hero and protect me, you almost died in the process. You follow me?" I thought about it, then tilted my head.

"S-So you don't want me to protect you?" Kevin shook his head and I sighed. I thought I understood, but I guess not.

"That's…part of it. It all comes down to this, Ben. You spend so much time trying to protect everyone else that you haven't been taking care of yourself. All I'm saying is if you're going to keep playing hero, then maybe you should find someone else to be your hero." I smirked at him defiantly.

"Kevin, I don't need—"

"Let me be your hero, Ben." I just stared at Kevin in confusion. What the hell did that mean? Was I really so weak and pathetic that I needed someone to save me?

"I-I can handle this, Kevin, I can handle everything, I really can!"

"Says the boy who recently got stabbed and then cried all over me about how nobody loves him." I closed my mouth and remained silent. Maybe I was in a little bit over my head. "I'm just saying maybe you need someone to really look after you, you know? Someone to be there and make sure you're okay." I sighed and stood up, folding my arms as I faced away from him.

"Sounds more like a boyfriend than a hero," I muttered. Kevin jumped up and seized my wrist, spinning me around to face him as he caught me in his arms again. Staring deep into my eyes, Kevin just shrugged.

"If that's what it takes to keep you safe, then so be it." I looked back up at him, horrified, my body tingling as everything slowed in my head.

"K-Kevin, I was joking. Y-Y-You can't be s-serious!" I felt my cheeks grow hotter as he leaned forward, his face as serious as ever.

"Why not?" I opened my mouth to answer the question, but something occurred to me. Honestly, I couldn't say anything. There wasn't really any reason that we couldn't date. I wanted to beat myself for considering the concept of dating Kevin.

"I-I'm a boy, Kevin! You know that, right?" He just shrugged.

"So?" I squeaked and bit my lip.

"W-Well, uhh…w-what about Gwen?" He looked at me and smirked.

"What about Julie?" What about Julie? She was nice, and a good friend, and…well, that's it. We just never clicked on that level. I thought I wanted to date her a while ago, but we just kinda became like siblings more than anything else.

"B-But…Kevin, I don't like boys like that. You don't either, do you?" Kevin just looked down into my eyes and slipped his hands down my back to encircle my waist. I shuddered slightly and swallowed hard. "K-Kevin?" He just shrugged and sighed.

"You'll never know unless you try." I felt confused again as my guts twisted around within me. Suddenly, I felt nervous and I didn't even know why.

"Try what?" Kevin dipped his head down and our faces were barely an inch away from each other. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. I never noticed Kevin's scent before, but with my eyes closed tight it seemed to consume the air. It was something sweet and familiar, yet distinctly foreign. I felt the warm breath, tight and unsure, as it slid over my neck. My cheeks burned again. Why was I so nervous, so confused, yet so excited? It was only Kevin…right?

I shook my head and opened my eyes again. "O-Okay." His face was clearly confused, but I just nodded. "If you're serious, then I'll humor you." Though his patented smirk shone on, his eyes were softer and almost anxious. "B-But you'd better not try anything funny with me, Levin! You get one chance, a proper date. Then I'll see how I feel." Kevin tried to look serious as he nodded.

"How about 8:00?" I bit my lower lip and turned around to walk to the bathroom.

"7:30, sharp!" I called over my shoulder, silently hoping to find out I was really dead before then.


	5. No Obsessing, No Labels

A/N: I was so excited about writing this chapter that I ended up finishing it faster than usual. I really hope you guys like it. Remember, I really appreciate reviews, and I love getting messages from you guys even more than that, so feel free to do either of those. Most importantly, enjoy the chapter!

-Noah

* * *

I was alive. I almost couldn't believe it, but alien technology was amazing, and the knife missed all of the important stuff. Kevin had been kind enough to bring me home the night before, but waking up on my own was a welcome experience in light of everything we had talked about last night.

I had a disturbing dream, but something inside of me knew that it wasn't because of the shadows this time. Everything was dark, and I was alone. The voices echoed against the walls, whispers of losing everything because of our date. I couldn't help but try to analyze the dream when I woke up, reaching deep into my mind to sort out my thoughts and feelings over the matter. The more I tried to decode it, the worse of an idea it seemed the date was going to be. What if I upset Kevin somehow? What if something happens that tears me and Kevin apart?

And how am I supposed to feel about going on a date with a guy, who also happens to be my best friend? I can't really say it like that, though. He's technically my only friend. He's the one person in the world that I know cares about me, and the one person that's seen me at my worst, and now I've got a date with him. Tonight. At 7:30.

I turned over in bed and looked at the clock. It was almost four in the afternoon. I jumped up in panic and tripped over myself heading to the bathroom to shower. I checked myself again when I was done, stroking my fingertips over the area where there should have been the knife scar. Just smooth skin, barely noticeable as different from the skin around it. I guess I was really lucky that Kevin was there for me.

I quickly put on a green polo shirt and khaki pants, then relaxed on my bed as I tried to think about what would happen on the date. I was probably just overreacting, right? Kevin was probably just joking, and when he said 'date', he just meant that we were going to hang out. Seriously, a guy like Kevin couldn't be into guys. On the other hand, he said that you can't know without trying, so if he's serious about this, then that means he's actually going to try. 'Try what?' I kept asking myself.

What is a date, really? Dinner, maybe a movie? Hand-holding and cuddling? Kissing? Honestly, dinner I could see, but only in the sense that we've eaten together before. I guess it's not exactly the same as a date, though. Same thing with movies. We've watched plenty together, but that was just two guys on a sofa watching a movie. My mind was plagued with hundreds of thoughts, possibilities, impending disasters that the night could bring. The recurring theme that echoed through my brain was something like, "Just what the hell do you expect from me, Kevin?". I couldn't find an answer.

From outside, I heard a car pull up, and I looked over at the clock again. I couldn't help but squeak in terror as I realized I had been overanalyzing this whole date thing for hours in bed. I got to my feet and headed downstairs, my anxiety growing with each step. I had made it to the door by the time Kevin began to knock, and I was suddenly very glad that my parents weren't there. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I reached for the knob, twisted, and pulled the door open. The sight that I beheld was almost terrifying in a way. I'd be lying if I said it didn't please me a little at the same time. Kevin stood before me in nice black slacks and a matching blazer over his black shirt. With the way his body was built and his hair wet and combed, he looked like a mafia member. I appreciated that he dressed up for our date, if that's what we're calling it, but the part that pleased me the most was the awkward smile on his face.

Twisted as it might be, I enjoyed the fact that he was probably as uncomfortable with this as I was. Kevin sighed as he eyed me up and down, making me feel more than a little uncomfortable in my nicer clothes and causing a blush to stretch over my nose and through my cheeks. With a kind smirk, Kevin pulled a single pink carnation from behind his back and held it out to me.

"It matches your cheeks," he said nonchalantly. It was a nice gesture, laced with just a hint of Kevin making fun of me. It was probably the best I could have hoped for from him, so I took it in stride with a genuinely excited smile. Whatever he wanted to call tonight, it meant that I got to hang out with my best friend, which was something that I always looked forward to.

"Umm…you look…nice. Really…nice." My tongue struggled to say anything to him and the anxiety set in again. He brought me a flower, after all. Tonight was apparently supposed to be different, and nothing I could say to myself would hide that fact deep down. It technically wasn't just hanging out, but what was it? My head throbbed with the excess of thoughts, and I was afraid it had shown on my face.

Kevin smiled as I finally took the flower and set it in my shirt pocket. "You look really good tonight, too, Ben." A flower, a compliment, and using my first name. Shit.

"So, umm, w-where are we going?" With a wide grin that did nothing to settle my nerves, Kevin simply replied, "It's a surprise." I bit my lower lip and nodded as I followed him outside and locked the front door to the house. Kevin then took my hand and led me to the car, where he opened the door for me and motioned for me to get in. He only chuckled at my startled expression while I slid into my usual spot beside him and he shut the door.

As Kevin got into the driver's seat, I let out a deep breath. "Why are you being so…I mean..." I shrugged as I searched for the right way to say it. "What's with the gentleman act?" As he started up his car, he turned to me with a mysterious smile on his face.

"Who says it's an act? I'm not just a mutant that can kick ass and work on cars, you know." Something in the pit of my stomach twisted into a fine knot. I looked down at my feet, realizing how guilty Kevin had made me feel. I'd seen his protective side as well as his nurturing side. I'd also seen him hot-tempered and needlessly angry. I must have been an idiot to think that there wasn't more to Kevin than what he showed on the surface, especially when he'd shown me so many different faces lately.

"I-I'm sorry, Kevin…" I began, but was quickly silence by his good-natured laugh.

"Don't worry about it." I sat back in my seat and tried to keep my eyes on the passing scenery or the road, but I felt my eyes being pulled to Kevin as he drove. After a few minutes of silence, I couldn't help but ask the burning question in my mind.

"Kevin…what exactly do you expect from me? T-Tonight, I mean." I couldn't help but stutter and blush as I asked the question, noticing how insinuative it sounded in retrospect. He looked over to meet my eyes with his, sending tiny shivers through my chest. "I-I mean…you said it's a date, a-and all…"

"I expect you to have fun, and just…you know. It's just a date, right?" I huffed aloud and settled my gaze on the floorboard.

"I-I've never been on a date before…" I confessed quietly. Kevin spun around quickly and stared at me in awe.

"You're kidding, right?" I winced as my face heated up. "You mean, you've never…?" I shook my head. "Not even with Julie?" I thought back, but anytime we had gone on what you might call a date, it was just us hanging out as friends.

"Nope. This is really my first." Kevin's look of shock quickly turned into a smug smile as the car slowed down a few miles outside of town until ultimately we stopped.

"Well, we're here." I looked up and saw the brilliant lights of the carnival. I smiled to myself and quickly got out of the car, forgetting the previous topic of conversation.

"We're going to the carnival?" Kevin looked at me blankly as he also got out of the car and shut the door.

"I just figured we'd stand here and stare at it." Surprisingly, I laughed at the comment. That was classic Kevin. It was sarcasm, something I had grown to accept and, secretly, enjoy about hanging around with the big oaf. It was familiar and almost comforting.

"Let's go!" We walked in and Kevin paid for my ticket. Really, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. We played skee-ball and visited the shooting games where you try to knock down the moving ducks and stuff, then we got cotton candy and corndogs. I convinced Kevin to ride on the carousel, and he even won me a big stuffed bear from knocking over bottles with a baseball. Even though it was kind of embarrassing, it also made me kind of happy that he won me a stuffed animal. After that, we went into the hall of mirrors (which was fun until Kevin decided to punch out the mirrors until he found his way out), and finally we ended up on the Ferris wheel.

It took a lot for Kevin to convince me to get on in the first place, but I was uneasy the whole trip up to the top. I couldn't imagine why he'd force me to ride the damn thing when he knows I hate heights, but I finally felt at ease when he took hold of my smaller hand and gently squeezed. As we reached the top, I looked into his eyes and finally stopped shaking. It was the first time in a while that I had felt that calm and safe. Time seemed to pass too quickly as we were suddenly back on the ground and Kevin was helping me out of the contraption.

I followed Kevin back to the car and he helped me into my seat again before driving again. The silence between us was peaceful and content, nothing so tense and stressed that we felt we had to say anything at all. I enjoyed the beautiful scenery and the occasional glance at Kevin until he finally stopped the car at the lake near town. We got out and he smiled at me with his hand outstretched.

"Dance with me, Ben." Do what? D-Dance? Kevin wanted me to dance with him? He curled his fingers in a beckoning motion and I swallowed hard before looking at the ground and kicking at a suddenly interesting rock.

"I-I don't know how…" I stammered out, mostly to myself. Kevin leaned in through the open window of his car and turned up the radio, which played "Fly Me to the Moon" by Diana Krall. Again, he offered me his hand.

"Don't make me force you, Benji," he said half-menacingly. I took in a deep breath and placed my hand in his, again reminded of our difference in size as he pulled me to his chest and wrapped his arms around my waist. We just stood there, me a little surprised and mostly dreading, and him smiling profusely at my discomfort.

"Fine…what do I do?" I asked with a sigh. Kevin guided my arms around his shoulders and I looked down at the ground as our hips began to sway slowly. The melody of the song seemed to flow through us, and the swaying became more of a fluid movement as we danced in the moonlight. Kevin freed up a hand to tilt my chin up and stared deep into my eyes with a subtle smile. It must have been the moment. With the moonlight, the lake, the song, and that smile, my stomach was filled with butterflies and my knees wobbled in a gelatinous manner that made me fall fully against his chest.

Kevin gave me no warning before he picked me up in his arms and walked me over to his car, where he set me down on the hood. "Are you okay?" he asked, obviously concerned. I giggled dumbly with a nod.

"Y-Yeah, I'm…I'm great." The gut-wrenching feeling persisted as I tried to beat my anxieties down. Kevin sat beside me on the car and shrugged off his blazer to drape me in it when I shivered. Kevin had been sweet, attentive, and very gentlemanly all night, but I couldn't help but feel as if the worst had yet to come.

"So," Kevin said cheerfully. "What was your first kiss like?" I swallowed hard and began to panic internally. I looked away from my friend and bit my lip.

"Honestly…I-I've never kissed anyone." I chanced looking up at Kevin, who stared at me in honest disbelief. After looking into my eyes, Kevin slid off of the hood of the car and extended his hand to help me back to the ground, which I took without thinking. It was there that we stood, the full moon shining down on us as his touch lingered upon my hand and our eyes met. My friend gave me a comforting smile that I couldn't help but return and my body shivered along with the nerves and butterflies that shot through my body. I wasn't stupid. I knew what he was getting at.

"So…do you want to try?" he asked slowly, his hopeful smile giving away his desire for me to say yes. I was dumbfounded. Kevin was attractive, sweet, chivalrous, and patient the entire date. Throughout the entire date, I felt my resolve weaken each time he smiled at me, or "accidentally" let his hand brush against mine, and now I was at the point where I could actually see myself kissing Kevin. Worst case scenario, I have my first kiss and we stay friends. In the back of my mind, I knew I was wholly unprepared for any more positive outcome, but it was just a kiss, right?

I nodded slowly to Kevin, swallowing the last of my fears and anxiety as I idly kicked at the ground. "I…I want you to kiss me," I blurted out, averting my eyes to the ground in embarrassment. With a gentle touch, Kevin rested his hand on my cheek. Though the touch was warm and I could feel the sensation spread through my face and neck, causing me to yet again blush, while the shivers spread through my body. Something caught inside my chest and my breath became shallow pants; I let my eyes refocus on Kevin's face, seeking reassurance in his confidence.

Kevin slipped his other arm around my waist and closed what little distance was left between the two of us. As our noses almost touched, I bit my lower lip and sighed quietly. "I-I don't know how to do this," I confessed quietly, more to myself than to him. I almost felt ashamed at never having done this before, but I've always been too busy, I guess. No, that's not the reason. Maybe I just never thought about this kind of stuff. Kevin looked at me with a simple nod.

"Don't worry," he whispered as he dipped his head down. Instinctively, I tilted my head up and in one swift, sweet moment, he captured my lips in a kiss. All I can say about the feeling is that everything seemed to hum. It was like there was a vibration shaking through every particle of my being, every single atom humming in unison to this dull, throbbing perfection. His lips were sweet from the cotton candy, and the breath we shared was exquisite. I wish I could have bottled whatever it was. They were soft, warm lips, moving gently against my own. His hands applied an ever so light amount of pressure where they rested around my waist, but it was just enough to push us closer together. I stood there, frozen in time, enraptured in that single perfect moment of bliss, the amalgamation of light touch, sweet scents, the taste of flesh, the absolute pinnacle of my existence.

Kevin finally pulled back and we both let out shuddered breaths, the familiar feeling of a blush creeping into my cheeks yet again. I stared deep into his eyes and swallowed hard as Kevin stood there, apparently waiting for me to say something. "T-That…was nice." Even though he smirked, I saw something flicker in his eyes.

"Just nice?" I let out a deep breath.

"It was the most incredible moment of my life," I blurted out without thinking. Kevin laughed, but I kept my eyes averted to the ground. Even with the feeling still lingering on my lips and skin, my mind was suddenly plagued with tons of thoughts. As Kevin searched my strained face, he led me back to the car and began to drive to his place. I followed Kevin into the living room and we sat together on the couch, silent.

"Looks like you've got something on your mind," he said with concern. I raised my head to look him in the face.

"I'm just…wondering. I mean…we kissed…a-and I liked it, so…" I swallowed hard and ran my tongue over my bottom lip. "A-Are we dating?" I sighed at how stupid I thought I sounded. "I mean…how does this work, Kevin?"

"Well…you like me, right?" I was just about to shake my head when I froze. Did I like Kevin? I didn't think so at first, but when I really racked my brain, it answered a lot of questions. Why did I feel so comfortable around him? I let him look after me, I let him see parts of me that nobody else has, and I trusted him with my life. More importantly, I put myself between Cash's knife and Kevin just because I didn't want him to get hurt.

But how could I tell him that I like him? Even if it is true, there's no way Kevin could ever like me. This whole thing could be some elaborate ruse just to make fun of me or screw with my head for some reason. Kevin wouldn't do that, though, would he? No, he wouldn't. I trust him too much.

"I…I do like you, Kevin. I really do. I just don't know what to do." Kevin nodded, looking at me with a serious look on his face.

"Look, Ben, I really like you, too, but I'm not gonna pressure you into doing anything you don't wanna do. We don't have to go fast, and we don't have to think about labels or any of that crap, okay?" I nodded, relief washing through my body as I finally had a clear idea of what Kevin wanted, more or less.

"So, are we boyfriends?" Kevin snickered.

"Labels, Ben. But if you wanna call it that, then sure. I'm up for it if you are."

"I-I…I am. I think. If we go slow, then yes, I'm okay with that." What about Gwen? Kevin had moved on, but I hadn't even seen Gwen lately. Not enough to know if she had moved on, too. Would she be mad? Oh man…what about my parents? They're okay with Kevin in my life now if they've let me stay here so long, but I don't know if their open-mindedness would apply to me being…

Whoa. Am I…? "D-Does this mean I'm…gay?" Kevin appraised the look on my face and shrugged his shoulders as he gave me a half-smile.

"Labels, Ben, labels. You are what you are, and no one and nothing can change that." Kevin chuckled to himself and added, "Maybe you're just Kevin-sexual." I found myself giggling lightly.

"Doesn't that kinda make you vain?" I laughed harder, but Kevin just shrugged. After I had settled down, Kevin held onto my hand and forced my face up to meet his eyes.

"Promise me you won't obsess too much over what you think you are and think you aren't, okay? I don't want you to freak out over the little things that overshadow something that makes you happy." He paused for a second. "Do I make you happy?" The question threw me off guard a little bit. Kevin, in his words and his eyes, was seeking approval.

"Yes, you make me happy," I chuckled out. "And I promise not to obsess." With a smile, Kevin leaned in closer to me.

"Can I kiss you?" I nodded and closed the distance between us, pressing my lips against his with calm, fluid motions. Even though the kiss was as sweet and gentle as the first, I had to force myself not to go any further or deeper. Still, the shivers that ran through my body electrified me in the best of ways. I don't know what it was, but when I kissed Kevin, everything stopped. The world melted away, and only the moment existed. My body pulsated with low throbs and I felt an incredible heat spread down from my neck, even to my toes.

Kevin broke the kiss and pulled me by the hand to my feet. With a gestured towards his bedroom, Kevin tilted his head. "D'ya wanna go talk in my bedroom?" I bit my lip and rested one of my hands on my hip, still blushing from the kiss we had just shared.

"Y-You're inviting me to your b-bedroom on the first date?" I asked in fear. My mind had already begun to race through the thoughts of Kevin and I doing…well…way more than I can handle. Kevin just grunted at my suspicions.

"When I said 'talk', I meant it. Nothing else." I remembered the promise I had made to Kevin and cleared my head of all of the tiny thoughts. It was just to talk, right?

"Alright. Lead the way." Kevin just smiled as we headed to the back.


	6. An End to the Dreaming

A/N: It's been too long and this chapter is really short, so I'm very sorry! I'm going to finish this story if it kills me, I swear. I'm really sorry that it took so long, but it's finally here and it's not the last chapter. It's nearing the end, but it's definitely not the last. I hope you guys enjoy and I'm really looking forward to any reviews or comments you guys have. You guys have no idea how much it keeps me going!

I love you guys! I really do!

-Noah

* * *

I wasn't sure of his intentions, but I followed Kevin back to his bedroom anyway. I trusted that he wouldn't do anything rash or stupid. I trusted my fear of letting him do anything more. For the most part, Kevin stayed true to his word. We sat on the bed and just talked for a while. He told me personal things about his past, and I listened while I wondered what secrets he expected in return.

"So you've really never been with anyone?" I looked down at Kevin's tone of voice to avoid the look of disbelief he was probably giving me. Did he think I was defective because nobody had ever dated me? I probably am defective. People never wanted to get to know me because I was a freak…or am a freak, I guess. I was never close with anyone in any type of way unless they were in my family, but your family's supposed to like you, so that doesn't really count. It makes sense why I've never dated anyone. There was never anyone else.

As much as people dislike or avoid me, I realize now that I fear them, too. It's hard to let someone in when you've never been able to trust anyone, when you have so many secrets. It's harder to let someone in when you don't even know yourself at all.

"Anyone I would have dated probably hated me anyway," I answered honestly. The look Kevin gave me was a mix of disgust and worry, the kind of look that made my insides quiver.

"You can't honestly believe that, Ben. Nobody could hate you." Couldn't they? Cash did. Vilgax did. Okay, so maybe he doesn't exactly count, but I got used to people turning away from me. I didn't mean to be an outcast, I swear.

"People have always ignored me because it's safer for them. I don't know how it works, but they must have some kind of freak-radar or something that tells them that I don't fit in, that I don't belong here." I sighed and looked up into his eyes, filled with confusion and worry.

It was sudden, but as subtle as smoke in the wind, white wisps blending in to the air and melting away into fades. It was a small ping, a single resonance within me, an echo of the idea of emotion. I felt it, sitting on his bed as he stared into my eyes with the fierce intensity I had grown accustomed to. I wanted to kiss him.

I wanted to throw up. I hopped back and bolted without so much as a word. The night air was bitter in its sting; my skin was numb and the pain went without feeling. I ran, the blurred images of people moving out of my way in disgust mixing with the darkened shapes of buildings and cars. No lights, only the moon and a star, only distraught, only me. There was no destination, there was no sense to be made of anything. There was only movement, and there was me.

My legs stiffened and my muscles tightened. I felt nothing, but the drive kept me going. 'Stupid,' the voices echoed in a twisted cacophony of nails sliced through flesh. 'You can't be loved. Stupid. Weak. Pathetic. You're still a little boy, all alone with no one to care.' I ran harder with eyes shut tight and my hands covering my ears. The voices echoed louder. 'Just do them a favor and die already.'

Gravel. Dirt. Sand. Wood. Desperate to rid myself of those screeching talons, those devilish shadows in my throbbing head, I flung myself into the frigid lake and cried in the one place where no one could see me and nobody would notice.

* * *

I had a dream. Everything was white and covered in a dull light. Bits of chrome shined and I felt cold and insecure. Something was wrong, something was horribly wrong. There were people sobbing wails of melancholy rage and the blurriness just barely faded away before I felt the pain.

Sore, throbbing pain stabbing at my skin from inside my body. Blurs became faces, and faces became family. The fog lifted from my head slowly and I opened my eyes. I heard voices, frantic, joyous, scared voices in panicked screams all around me. They called for the doctor, the nurses. My family watched me, but I couldn't move, I couldn't speak or understand anything. My eyes were glued on the pale, rugged face, the tired eyes, the weary smile, the black hair falling in his face. I tried to smile. The boy smiled back, so I guess it worked.

I tried to move after a while. The doctor poked and prodded me for a while, but I couldn't stay awake very long. After a nap, I felt more aware, more conscious of my surroundings, and my vision had stabilized. Kevin sat in a chair beside my bed, looking down gloomily. I groggily made some noises to let him know I was awake, and I seem to have caught his attention.

"Ben!" he softly exclaimed to the dark room, now hovering over me. I tried to smile again.

"K-Kevin. What happened?" I felt my limbs burn under my blanket and had to bite my lip to keep from gasping in pain. He saw me wince.

"You don't remember?" I shook my head, focusing on how happy I was to be near to him to block out the pain. He looked horrified as he stared down at me. "Cash stabbed you. You've been asleep for over a month now." I shook my head and gripped my arm tightly.

"No…Kevin, I'm asleep now. T-This is all just a dream." I found myself smiling as I took hold of his hand. He looked sadly at me and withdrew it.

"Ben...this is real. You were stabbed and taken to this hospital, and you've been sleeping until today." He shook his head as if to clear it and stood up to walk to the window facing away from Ben. "I waited every day and you never woke up. They said you might not…" Everything grew quiet. I couldn't see in the darkness anymore. I couldn't remember life before that dream. For the first time in my life, I was seeing things with my own eyes, and I almost liked who I was for a bit. I had finally found something to make me happy, someone to take care of me, someone who gave a damn, but it was all a dream? N-No, it couldn't have been!

It figures. Things start going well and it turns out that it isn't even real. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and tried to stand up, but found that I was too weak to support myself. I crashed into Kevin's arms and looked up at him with helplessness swallowing me whole.

"K-Kevin…it was great. It was weird, but…y-you asked me out. We went to the carnival, w-we ate cotton candy, and…and you kissed me. But…" I looked down to avoid seeing his reaction to all of this. His arms tightened around me and my breathing became more shallow and my words came out at barely above a whisper. "T-The voices…they…they told me I wasn't worth it, that it didn't matter—that I don't matter. They said you'd never love me, but I felt it…that perfect feeling, like everything's going to go wrong to balance out the one perfect moment where I realized that I love—" I didn't get to finish. His eyes widened, his face flushed, and he began to shake.

He kissed me, and it surprised him more than it did me.


	7. You're My Flame

A/N: I know the story took quite an unexpected turn, but I'm hoping you'll like what I have in store for the ending. Don't worry, though: I still have a few chapters left before the end. I wanted to take this time to thank everyone for reading and commenting and sticking with me this long. You guys don't know what it means to me, really. And I promise, this story is definitely not my last.

-Noah

* * *

"God! What am I thinking?" I'd been watching Kevin pace back in forth over the same six tiles for half an hour, ranting to himself like a lunatic. I wasn't quite sure why he was beating himself up; the kiss was nice. I tried to talk to him about it, but after the first twelve minutes I gave up and decided to wait for him to calm down.

Kevin finally sat down beside me on the hospital bed and rested his face in his hands. "I don't know what I'm doing," he mumbled exasperatedly to himself. I sighed went over the situation in my head.

"Did you mean it?" Kevin froze and looked at me, confused and weary.

"What?"

"The kiss. Did you mean it?" Kevin opened his mouth, then closed it slowly, looking off into space as he thought.

"Well…yeah." I smiled and patted him on the back.

"There you go." After a short pause, Kevin turned to me, more confused than ever.

"…the hell is that supposed to mean?" He huffed as I shrugged my shoulders, still unsure of whatever problem he was seeing. "I meant to kiss you, and I did kiss you, and I have no idea why I did it or what it means!"

"Kevin…why did you kiss me?" I asked, happy that it happened, but still curious. Kevin shook his head and rested his face in his hands again.

"I was just so happy that you woke up, I…I dunno." I found myself blushing, feeling highly flattered by Kevin's words.

"I'm happy I woke up, too," I told him softly.

"Why?" he laughed. "I thought you were happier there. You were sad it was a dream earlier."

"I know. It's just…we were dating. You took me to a carnival, Kevin, and you brought me a flower." I shook my head to myself, laughing at the situation. "You were so impossibly romantic and sweet that I should have known it was a dream." Kevin scowled at me as he crossed his arms.

"I can be romantic, Tennyson." I groaned softly.

"What are you, my drill sergeant? In my dream, you called me by my first name at least. See what I mean?" Kevin shook his head and sighed.

"Ben…I've been here for a month."

"What?" I choose to overlook the creepiness of his statement and took it as sweet.

"W-Well…it was my fault!" Again, unexpected. "Cash meant to stab me and you got in the way. I had to be here, to see you when you woke up. I needed to tell you how stupid you were and how dangerous what you did was!"

I crossed my arms and faced away from him. "Gee, Kevin, way to make me feel like crap after I just woke up from a coma." I found myself squeaking as Kevin suddenly seized me by my collar and held me up. I stared at him with wide eyes as our lips connected briefly and he gently set me back on the bed.

Before I could say a word, Kevin was back to pacing again, mumbling something unintelligible to himself. The world around me started to spin and shake slowly, causing me to blink and scrunch my eyes closed repeatedly as if trying to balance everything around me. Kevin glanced up from beating himself up and made it to the side of the bed in two quick strides. His face showed great dismay and concern for me. It was probably the sweetest thing he had done all day.

"Ben!" I put up my hands and smiled weakly.

"I-I'm fine!" He didn't seem to be too soothed by the lie. "I guess I am kind of tired…"

Kevin huffed softly. "You should get some rest," he said as he pulled the covers over my body. Waves of exhaustion poured over me, rendering me useless as a conversationalist. I tried to mumble appreciation for Kevin, but I didn't even have the strength to open my eyes and see if he understood what I had said. The last sounds that I could register were of Kevin pulling a chair closer to the bed and settling into it. I hoped to find him there the next morning.

Five days before Christmas, I was released from the hospital. Before I could leave, I had to talk to the police. Following Kevin's story, I claimed it was a random attack that happened suddenly in the bathroom at school and that I didn't even see the assailant. Kevin looked for me when I never came out to meet him and, upon discovering me in the bathroom, took me immediately to the hospital. The story was good enough to convince everyone else, but I never got a chance to ask Kevin about Cash. No news was good news, I guess.

My parents were ecstatic and kept hugging me, despite the pain my body was still in. I felt awkward with all of the crying going on, but mostly I was just embarrassed that they were doing it in front of Kevin. Gwen had apparently been accepted into a study abroad program based in Europe. She left the day of "the incident" and everybody thought it would be better to not mention it to her. Knowing Gwen, she'd blow a great opportunity for education, or anything else for that matter, to help out her family.

Kevin had apparently been accepted as a member of our family since he had found me and watched over me every day for a month. I could only imagine that being associated with my family would deal a fatal blow to any of his ruffian street cred, but he seemed to tolerate my parents with a smile. I could almost swear that it looked genuine once or twice.

My parents took me home and let me get reacquainted with my room in peace. I was barely alone for five minutes when Kevin snuck in through my window. I sat down on my bed and sighed. "You probably could have just walked up the stairs." Kevin shrugged and sat down in the chair across from me.

"Wouldn't be as much fun," he said with his classic cool smirk. I kept myself composed and coughed into my sleeve, but on the inside, I felt like I was melting. Kevin suddenly became very serious and I felt the room grow hotter. "Ben…I have to talk to you." I gulped.

"W-What about?" Kevin stood up and sat down beside me on my own bed, his hands on his knees as he stared down at the floor.

"I…I might have said some things when you were asleep." I shrugged.

"I'm a big boy, Kevin. I would have heard those kinds of words in a movie eventually." Kevin just grunted and ran a hand through his black hair. It was getting so long and unruly, but it heightened his sex appeal in a way, too. I blushed at my thoughts.

"I didn't mean that, you idiot. I meant I might have said some things to you, like about how I was going to take you to the carnival if you woke up, and…just...well, stupid, personal stuff, and I think that you might have heard some of those things in your dream." My jaw dropped slightly.

"So you actually said all of those sweet, romantic things you said in my dreams?" Kevin groaned as he rested his forehead in his hand, but nodded nonetheless. I smiled to myself, but this brought about a few minutes of complete silence. "So…where does that leave us?" Kevin shrugged and turned to face me completely.

"I don't know…" Without thinking, I let my hand rest on Kevin's thigh, my fingertips stroking light circles on the fabric of his jeans. The oversized brute stared at me in a panicked horror. "B-Ben! W-What are you doing?" I almost laughed out loud when I heard his voice squeak, but I slowly began to move my hand higher on his thigh.

"I don't know," I mocked with a smirk. Kevin looked like he was going to turn white for a second, but all of a sudden he was kissing me hard with a deep passion. I was taken aback at first, but I quickly eased in to the kiss with a smile. It was short and sharp, but also sweet, almost chaste. Still, I could feel the fires burning in my throat, the anxiety, the desperation, the lust, all rampaging within my body as his face pulled away from mine. I stared at him in confusion as he stared back at me, stoic as stone.

"Ben…I…this is…" Kevin closed his mouth and swallowed. "I want to be with you." It was as romantic as Kevin was ever going to get, at least in reality. Oddly enough, I was okay with that. The real Kevin made sense to me, even when he made no sense to himself. The Kevin from my dreams was too over the top, too…perfect. I didn't think that'd even be possible, but it's true.

"I love you too, Kevin," I said quietly, pressing my lips against his quickly, ignoring the fiery urgency that resonated throughout my body in hopes of keeping it simple. Kevin parted his lips a tiny bit as he ran his cold fingertips along my neck. I pulled away with a shudder and stifled a moan. I stood up quickly, turning away to hide my crimson-stained cheeks from Kevin. I heard him laughing at me.

"Ben, c'mon! You don't have to be ashamed. Who do you think gave you sponge baths while you were in a coma?" Everything froze. Time. Space. The blood that ran through my very body. He was joking…he had to be joking! There's no way anyone would trust him with me, right?

"Y-You can't be serious!" I shouted, pivoting to face him again. Kevin wrapped an arm around my waist and yanked me close to his chest. I could feel the difference in our breathing, the resounding of our heartbeats as we stood pressed together. I felt hot all over, like I was choking on heat, parched for air, and I felt so claustrophobic in my clothes. I had to stop myself from ripping them from my body in a heated fit.

My head was dizzy, I was swimming in fog, and I have no idea how I got where I was. My back was against the wall, my legs were wrapped around Kevin's waist and my arms around his neck as his tongue invaded in my mouth, wet and hot around my gums and tongue, erotic and tantalizing. Kevin pulled away from the kiss to bit my neck hard, sucking on the tender flesh as his rough hand covered my mouth to contain my screams. Kevin went animalistic, biting hard at my throat as he lifted me up and slammed me against my bed. We stayed in a similar position, his pelvis grinding against mine as our tongues held a sparring match. Whenever I'd feel a twinge of pain from my neck or throat, I'd remember to bite hard at his lips until they were bruised and almost bleeding. Hearing Kevin yelp gave me a bit of sick satisfaction, but I chose to call it revenge.

Something in my body began to react and I bucked my hips up to grind harder against Kevin, who immediately froze and detangled himself from me. We lay beside each other on top of my bed, panting heavily as our hearts raced. I could still feel tiny shocks and shivers from where our sticky arms were touching lightly. Kevin broke the silence finally.

"W-Wow…" he got out between pants. I nodded, whether he could see me or not.

"Umm…K-Kevin?" He turned to face me.

"Yeah?" I fidgeted with my fingers and bit my lower lip tentatively, realizing the familiar taste of blood.

"D-Did we just….y-you know…." Kevin scratched the back of his head. I began to blush and looked down from his eyes. "I mean…did we just have….umm…" Kevin finished the sentence in his mind and glared at me incredulously. I shouldn't have asked. Kevin began to roll around on the bed in a fit of laughter.

"B-Ben! You're not serious, are you?" The moment Kevin saw my face, he stopped laughing and his eyes widened. "Y-You're serious?" I nodded. "You mean…so…you don't know how to…I mean, you don't know how it works?" Honestly, I didn't. I hadn't thought about it much. I was only fifteen! I hadn't planned on sleeping with a girl, let alone a guy. There was always too much on my plate and it seemed to be the farthest thing from my mind.

"I-I just…I mean…I don't know!" Kevin sat up and nearly pushed me off of the bed. "W-What are you doing?" He smirked and nibbled on the top of my ear, rendering me nearly comatose.

"Grab some towels." I narrowed my eyes.

"What for?" Kevin sighed.

"For after we shower." It made sense now.

"Oh! Okay." Kevin was already out of the room, laughing to himself, when I realized that I had basically agreed to join Kevin in the shower. I blushed hard and was too flustered to even yell at him.


	8. What Each Other's Bodies Were For

A/N: I'm so very sorry to anyone who's waited for this chapter, especially because it feels like this is the worst crap I've ever written. Over the past few months, I've rewritten this chapter about twelve times, and I haven't liked anything I've done with it. I figured Chapter 8 is an idea, an obstacle of sorts. In a way, my life hit Chapter 8, as well. I finally started working through it, and so I leave you with this horrible twisted attempt at a chapter.

However, now that the big hurdle is out of my way, I actually have an idea of what I want to do for the next chapter and how to ultimately bring this series to a close. So, take it as a life lesson. When you hit that undefeatable Chapter 8 in your lives, just work through it anyway you can without care for the quality. If you make it through Chapter 8, you can make it to Chapter 9 and start fresh. Weird, huh?

And so, I apologize and beg forgiveness from all of you who have been kind enough to read and review my story. I have a few ideas for some other yaoi stories for Kingdom Hearts and Total Drama Island (my interests are all over the place) so be sure to look for them once I get them up, if you're interested. Anyway, I hope you're not too disheartened by my suckishness this chapter, because I'll be done with Chapter 9 sometime later today or early tomorrow.

Finally, I'd love to hear what you guys think. I'm a lonely, reclusive person, so write me! Yay! Oh, one more thing. The lyrics at the end are from "King of Carrot Flowers, Pt. 1" by Neutral Milk Hotel. Whoo!

-Noah

* * *

No matter how much Kevin pouted, I refused to join him in the shower, especially since my parents were just downstairs. I waited anxiously in my room for Kevin to get done, my mind running over the conversation that took place moments ago. I guess I really didn't know anything about sex. God, even thinking about it seems foreign.

I can't stop, though. Now that I realize how little I know about it, I want to find out more. I feel years behind Kevin, and he probably expects me to know this stuff, right? I thought about searching the internet for it, but I decided against that for obvious reasons. I heard my door and looked up at Kevin, a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair drooped low into his eyes, the sweat and remnants of water droplets glistening over his chest and torso in the dull florescent lighting.

I was literally drooling. I could feel the speck of spittle at the corner of my mouth, my eyes glued to his body. Kevin looked at me in confusion. "What?" he demanded bluntly. After a few seconds of silence, his brow furrowed in worry. "B-Ben? Are you okay?" I tore my eyes away from him, blushing fervently with my gaze drawn suddenly to the carpet. I felt a slight stirring in my pants that made me blush harder. He smirked that horrible, knowing smirk, and I was too furious and enthralled to say one word back to him. I saw the towel hit the floor and instinctively looked up. Kevin was already in his boxers.

"Trying to sneak a peek, Benjamin?" I stood up like a shot and my head began to swim, my body swaying uneasily. Kevin closed the distance between us in a heartbeat and gently slipped his arm around my waist to catch me. I shook my head and laughed nervously.

"Guess I got up too fast," I said quietly, the fear in Kevin's smoldering eyes burning holes in my heart. I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in the rippling muscles of his still damp chest. I felt his arms move to encircle my torso protectively, pulling me closer in to him.

"Don't scare me like that. I don't even want to think of seeing you in that pain again," he whispered in my ear with an urgent seriousness. It struck me then how serious Kevin was about me. I guess part of me thought that he was still just only humoring me, but I could tell by his tone that he whole-heartedly meant it. I wanted to be elated, but I was too terrified of not living up to his expectations.

Kevin gave my back a slight rub and released me from his embrace, staring at me with a smile. His eyes still belayed that serious feeling, but he didn't seem to want me to notice that. I smiled back up at him sheepishly, blushing from my previous thought. "What would you say if I told you that I might have been trying to sneak a peek?" Kevin sat down on my bed and smirked up at me.

"I wouldn't blame you. I'm quite a catch, you know." My jaw dropped and I felt more flustered than ever before.

"K-Kevin!" He laughed hard and rolled around on the bed as I fought off the heat rising through my body.

"I'm just kidding!" he protested as I began to pout. "Geez, don't make that face! I said I was sorry." Kevin adjusted himself on the bed into a lying position, his arms and legs spread from his body, and stared at me. It almost felt creepy.

"What are you doing?" I asked, unsure of what I was witnessing. Kevin sighed and motioned to his body.

"You haven't had much experience with this stuff, so I figured I'd just kinda…I dunno…let you explore." I felt like an artist being given a blank canvas. Doubt and fear began to cloud my mind, overshadowing the kind gesture to nitpick on the one thought at the back of my mind. With such a great canvas, I wanted to make a perfect masterpiece, no flaws, no mistakes. I wanted to touch his body in ways that would make him arch and curl and mutter incoherently until he screamed at the top of his lungs in pleasure, his world tumbling down around his quivering shell of a body as he writhed around in a puddle. I-In a good way.

He wanted me to explore, and that was all. It was his way of teaching me, I guess, or at least letting me get familiar with his body. He didn't expect anything, so where was this fear coming from? Why did I need to make things more difficult than they really are? I shook my head and took a step closer to the bed, panting lightly at the very concept of what I was about to do.

"W-What do I do?" Kevin shrugged and smiled at me.

"Whatever you want." I knelt beside the bed and stared at the body before me. I never noticed how much bigger Kevin was, but as he lay on the bed, eyeing my every move curiously, I realized the enormity of his body in comparison to my own lithe physique. His muscles were impressive, to say the least, and his skin was smooth, not rough like I had always thought. His body was perfect.

I reached out a hand tentatively and stroked my fingertips over his rippling torso. The room was silent, save the sharp intake of air that came from Kevin. I let my fingers trail up and over his chest—smooth, with just the right amount of short, dark chest hairs. His body moved so little, but I could feel the forces of attraction, of lustful yearnings, and of necessity building up beneath the supple flesh. My arms found themselves around Kevin's neck as I dipped down my head to give a sweet, chaste kiss. While Kevin complied, I could tell that he was holding back so as not to spoil my experimentation. Given how almost painfully nervous I felt, I was quite thankful for at least that.

I sat down on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest, wrapped up in my own thoughts. I could tell it was only nerves, but it didn't stop me from shutting myself inside my head. Kevin's face loomed over me in an instant, his lips drawn in hard, unreadable line. His eyes, fathomless and immeasurably dark, scanned over my face as if searching for an answer I didn't know how to give. Before he could even ask, I shook my head and looked up into his eyes.

"Sorry, I just…I-I'm not ready yet." Kevin smiled and rested his hand on my shoulder.

"There's no rush, Ben." I bit hard on my lip, letting my thoughts consume me again. Was I really ready for this? Kevin couldn't be more patient with me, and I really do…I mean…I love Kevin. I never expected that it would happen like this, but he was something good in my life, something that I wanted to hang on to. He was amazing in my dream, and even in real life, he's become something so important to me.

"A-Are you really okay with waiting?" I asked him sheepishly. Kevin hugged me tightly, making me more aware of his lack of clothing. I was really getting tired of blushing around him. With a heavy sigh, I wriggled out of his arms and stood up, smiling at him as he did the same.

"I kind of need to rest," I told him quietly, slightly saddened by the thought of him leaving me. Ever the gentleman, he quickly put on his clothes and faced me with that serious look in his eyes again. "You'll come back tomorrow, right?" I asked timidly. This was so new, so different, that if felt like something more unsure.

"Try and stop me," he replied with a smirk. Kevin turned to leave, but I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back toward me. I stood on my toes and pressed my lips against his, moving to the sound of an invisible violin. Every kiss was perfect with him. Kevin cupped my face in his hands and deepened the kiss, forcing my lips apart with erratic tongue movements. A hand slipped around my waist, the familiar position, like a second home for his arm. I whimpered into his mouth as I tentatively extended my tongue to meet his. A cacophony of brilliance, a clashing of bells and lights and whistles and the petals of a hundred roses.

Too rough. I stepped back from him as a droplet of blood splattered on the floor, the only sound reverberating through the silent room. I panted, my strained body already beginning to ache against the fire that fueled me. My eyes flickered as the metallic tasting blood trickled down my lip and over my tongue. The pain was minute, but pleasurable all the same. I couldn't stop myself.

I had already said goodbye.

I lunged for Kevin, gripping the fabric of his shirt in my hands tersely, clutching at anything to yank down toward me. His lips implored to meet mine in a savage struggle. It wasn't for dominance, but for an increase in action, a call for movement and insanity. He obliged with teeth raking over the sensitive flesh of my neck, a strangled gasp choking out from my throat. His tongue was hot and electric against my skin. Kevin bit me hard, sucking ravenously on the same spot he had slid his tongue longingly over. I reached back behind me and grappled onto a fistful of his dark hair, a ticklish contrast against my palm.

I jerked forward hard, eliciting a half-groan, half-curse from Kevin. He scraped those teeth down to my shoulder and brought his lips against my collarbone in a lustful advance. Before I could stop him, Kevin ripped my shirt off of me in a brutish show of force. My pants were already hanging from one ankle as I turned around and jumped up against Kevin's bare brick wall of a chest. I wrapped my legs around his torso and he ravaged my mouth with his own. He tasted like…like fresh grass. It's a good thing.

He roughly slammed by back against the wall, taking the opportunity to gain the upper hand, or at least I guess that's how you'd say it. He nipped at my ear as my small frame began to rumble. My entire body felt as if it were on fire and a nagging anxiety built up in my chest. I'd missed out on this all my life? Kevin had every right to make fun of me!

Suddenly, Kevin stopped and set me down, reaching for his shirt from the floor. He gave me a wicked grin and kissed my cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow, Ben," he whispered in my ear, his voice low and husky. His cockiness turned me on a bit. I leaned against the wall, mostly naked, and watched Kevin jump down from my window into the dusklit world.

It was several minutes before my body regained movement, and all I could think about was the way he touched me, his scent, his taste…he consumed me and I loved it. I loved him. With a shudder, I slouched over and made my way to my bed. Exhaustion finally set in as I plopped down on the soft comforter, my chest still heaving from the panting I had been doing. I weakly let my arm fall on my stereo to turn it on, letting my frazzled mind get lost in the lukewarm acoustic melodies.

_And your mom would stick a fork right into daddy's shoulder_  
_And dad would throw the garbage all across the floor_  
_As we would lay and learn what each other's bodies were for_

_And this is the room one afternoon I knew I could love you_  
_And from above you how I sank into your soul_  
_Into that secret place where no one dares to go_

I smiled as the music slowly began to lull me into a deep sleep. The last thoughts on my mind were anxious longings for tomorrow, for Kevin. Goodbye, V-card. Hello, Kevin, love of my life.


	9. Empty Interlude

A/N: I owe everyone a huge apology. A lot of things in my life have changed, and I didn't deal with some things quite so well in my time away from you all. I've been trying to write this same chapter for over a year now, and tonight I finally got at least some sort of motivation. There's a few things I want to say, and I'm going to take this time to say it.

The first thing I'm going to tell you is that this story will soon be coming to an end. Unless the plan in my head changes, you won't see more than twelve chapters, possibly less. I've been wanting to branch out into some other projects on here, mostly slash-fiction based in Kingdom Hearts or a more light-hearted Ben 10 fic. If anyone has suggestions for genres, themes, or even particular pairings or series to write for, you can send me a message here.

Now, here's the second thing I want to tell all of you. Thank you. Even up til this past month, people are still reading this story and posting reviews, and it really does mean a lot to me. Honestly, it's thanks to all of you that I finally finished this chapter, and I know I can finish this for you guys if you continue to have patience like you always have. Thank you, really.

Finally, you should know that I'm quite exhausted, and it's almost 4:30 in the morning here, so I want you to keep this in mind a a final note: have a little faith in me. I know this chapter is going to throw a lot of you off, but I promise, the ending will be worth it, and we're slowly getting one step closer. Just give it a chance, even if it isn't what you were expecting. Please, enjoy.

All my love, guys.

-Noah

* * *

I woke up at noon and heard no word from Kevin. I didn't receive any texts while I ate a slice of cold pizza from the fridge. There weren't any missed calls or voicemails from him when I got out of the shower. My heart raced as I imagined him walking in on me, wet and naked, alone in my room. He never came to ravage me as I got dressed. I was only disturbed by the fact that I was disappointed he wasn't there. This love stuff is complicated and…well…weird.

He said he'd come over, so I didn't feel like I should call him. I dozed off for a nap somewhere along the way and woke up at seven. There was still no word from Kevin. Maybe yesterday had been too much? I thought he liked it, and not much really went on. He could have gotten cold feet, or...

'Maybe you scared him away.' The cold, shrill voice scratched away at the inside of my head, sending a dizzying chill through my body. No, Kevin wouldn't abandon me. 'He hasn't called because he won't call.' The voice was like razor blades slicing through nubile flesh, coated in thick, sticky, black blood dripping down. My stomach turned as I choked back fear and sickness.

"I-Is he really not going to call?" I shook my head and groaned. It wasn't going to be like this. He said he'd be here, and he will be here. And if he doesn't show up tonight, then he'll be back tomorrow with a good excuse. He wouldn't abandon me…I-I know he wouldn't.

The clock read 2:18 a.m. by the time I'd cried myself to sleep. I woke up after a restless reprieve feeling empty and hollow. Every sound that reached my ears was muffled by the voices filling my senses with grotesque cackles of victory. I trudged along to the mirror and saw that my face was red, cracked and raw from rubbing my eyes and the tears away. My whole body was heated and my clothes stuck to my pale skin from sweating as I slept.

I was miserable, tired, and groggy. I checked my phone and saw that I had a few missed calls from Kevin, but no messages. What was going on with him? I tried to call him, but I kept getting his voicemail. Either his phone was off, or maybe he was avoiding me.

I'd done something wrong, hadn't I? I must have offended him somehow. At first, I'd harbored a timid, awkward warmth for him, and it grew into something nicer, something more solid, a feeling I could hold on to. Thinking about the way I felt for Kevin, how much we had been through together, even the way our relationship had evolved in such a short time…it made me feel like I might actually be worth something.

I felt stupid for lusting over him. I had wanted for too much, even coveted his body, and for that sin I was suffering. Why did I try to change things when I was happy just to be around him?

'He's gone…soon, you will be, too,' the shadows cooed, echoes of discord pulsing and jolting at the inside of my stomach. Panicked footsteps thudded on the floor as I found myself gagging and retching while I knelt over the toilet, semi-salty tears draining from my eyes down my face. Why did I feel this way? The crack of my head against the cold bathroom tile couldn't have made me feel any more disoriented than I already was. I thought I remembered trying to call Kevin again, but was that a dream?

High above the world, I stood on a platform of gray rock, a stony spire suspended in the murky blackness. The shrill screeching of violent winds chilled my bones and left my skin covered in goosebumps. It was like being trapped in a stormcloud, all alone in the hollow shell of a world.

"Hello?" Nobody answered my call. "Is anyone there?" I tried to yell. The wind didn't seem to carry my voice anywhere but my own ears. I felt something different and turned to face ahead of me, a puddle of black ooze seeping up from the stone ahead of me. It was fast and terrible, shadows moving and rising up from the ground around me.

"W-What's going on?" I couldn't hear anything over the wind, not their horrible cackling, not the sound of my own heart thrashing within my chest, nothing. I wanted to run, but I was frozen and stiff, terror and cold set in to trap me in my place. I didn't even have the will to struggle, not in the face of so much hopelessness. If I left, what would I go back to? Disappointment and sadness?

The shadows cut and sliced over me, bloodless wounds adorning my torso, cuts and scrapes deepening to gashes as they smirked. The voice rang, for the first time in a long time, in my head. It was his voice, cruel and commanding, absolutely unforgiving as he took possession of me, a pathetic, slumping boy who was too terrified of life, so much so that he would surrender to death at the first chance.

The shadows bowed to him as his lip curled over his teeth, the boy sneering at me. Everything seemed to flicker, blades of grass soft beneath my broken body as I chanced a glance up. My eyes widened in surprise, then softened to fear. "I-It's….you…" I whispered, barely able to breathe. Blood was sticky on my chest, my clothes ripped to shreds. The pain was searing, and my memory was...well, fuzzy at best.

"How…?" I asked, my ears burning as nausea ran through me in torrential waves. Holding a large knife, dripping with my own blood, he gave a maniacal grin. Cash stared down at me as he laughed, his boot firmly planted on my chest. I begged my lungs for just one single breath.

"I knew you'd miss me."


End file.
